Less than a month from now, we will be back in Rutshire, the land of shoulder pads, power plays, and extremely questionable decision-making. Season two of Rivals promises even more of the good stuff: the battle for the Central South West television franchise reaching fever pitch, marriages cracking under ambition, illicit affairs bubbling over, and secrets detonating at the worst possible moment. In short, it is peak 1980s excess.
To mark the return, Waitrose has launched a limited-edition, nostalgia-fuelled food range, riffing on retro classics like rhubarb and custard, prawn cocktail, and steak Diane. The collection lands online and in stores nationwide from 27 April, just ahead of the first six episodes arriving on Disney+ on 15 May. Naturally, we gathered round and judged it all with the kind of ruthless honesty usually reserved for Rutshire's elite.
The Sandwich Showdown
Two sandwiches entered. Only one emerged remotely unscathed.
Scotch Egg Sandwich
A hefty construction of crumbled free-range egg wrapped in seasoned pork sausagemeat, breadcrumbs, egg mayo, chilli relish, and spinach on multiseed bread – essentially a picnic in sandwich form. Sadly, it did not win hearts. One colleague took a single bite and declared, 'That is revolting,' while another conceded that although 'the sauce is sweet and spicy,' the dealbreaker was the texture: 'I do not like the dry egg.' Bold in theory, but in practice, a struggle.
Thousand Island Prawn Sandwich
WINNER (though the bar was low)
A more classic combination of prawns, thousand island sauce, mixed leaves, and gherkins in oatmeal bread – and a noticeably safer bet. The initial reaction was cautious optimism: 'It is better than I expected,' though the 'wet lettuce' led one person to note it 'tastes like a McDonald's burger' at first bite. While some found 'there is not that much flavour,' others pointed out positives – 'the prawn is nice and chunky' and 'it is stuffed with filling.' Not a triumph, exactly, but easily the best of the two.
The Crisp Clash
Two retro flavours. One clear winner.
Steak Diane Handcooked Crisps
Promising notes of shallot, brandy, and beef, these crisps somehow landed in a no-man's-land of flavour. They were widely deemed 'edible – but I would not go much further than that,' with one particularly damning verdict comparing them to 'burnt toast, but in a bad way.' Others thought they resembled 'Walker's beef and onion,' while another summed it up simply: 'A bit bland. They do not really taste of anything.' Not offensive – just forgettable.
Bloody Mary Prawn Cocktail Handcooked Crisps
CLEAR WINNER
Thankfully, the second offering had far more personality. These crisps, flavoured with onion, tomato, and brandy, delivered a punchier take on prawn cocktail that people actually wanted to keep eating. 'I quite like these,' one colleague admitted, while another noted they were 'almost too prawn-y' – not necessarily a criticism. The slight kick was a hit too: 'They are a tiny bit spicy – I think that is nice,' alongside observations that they are 'quite ketchup-y' with 'a bit of tang.' The final verdict felt definitive: 'If you like a prawn cocktail crisp, they are a good prawn cocktail crisp.'
The Summer Spritz Rivalry
Waitrose's first foray into alcoholic ready-to-drink cans – and, naturally, we approached with both curiosity and mild scepticism.
Peach Melba Spritz
A blend of juicy peach and ripe raspberry, made with white wine and natural fruit juices – on paper, a light, summery crowd-pleaser. In reality, it did not quite land. The dominant note was sweetness, with one colleague summing it up as 'very artificial tasting and way too sweet,' while another pointed out it was 'not alcoholic tasting enough.' More soft drink than spritz.
Spicy Pineapple Daiquiri
WINNER
Ripe pineapple with a gentle chilli heat – or at least, that is the promise. The reality was a little different: 'does not taste of pineapple and is not spicy at all,' as one taster put it. That said, it did at least register as a cocktail – 'but does taste alcoholic,' someone noted, which already gave it an edge. It still leaned heavily on sugar ('very sweet') and drew an unexpected comparison to 'the flavour profile of Starburst,' but crucially, it felt more like what it claimed to be.
The Pudding Face-Off
Dessert – the great unknown. Two ice creams, both made with British milk, which we did not manage to taste (a scheduling tragedy). So this is less a verdict, more an educated guess.
Peach Melba Dairy Ice Cream
Peach ice cream with fruit pieces and a raspberry ripple – softer, sweeter, and likely the safer crowd-pleaser.
Rhubarb & Custard Dairy Ice Cream
PREDICTED WINNER
Creamy custard ice cream with a sharp rhubarb ripple – nostalgic, slightly divisive, and arguably the more interesting option. Call it instinct, but this feels like the one that best captures the spirit of the range: retro, a little sharp, and more memorable for it.
