A commuter has revealed she's still traumatised after offering her seat to a 'very pregnant' woman on a busy Sydney train - only to realise she had made an embarrassing mistake. The heated discussion emerged after a woman, who's currently 30 weeks pregnant, revealed she was surprised when no one offered her a seat during her regular 30-minute trips.
The Initial Post
'I have been catching the train a fair bit lately. One thing I've noticed is that even when I'm clearly pregnant and standing... people rarely offer their seat, including those in priority seating,' she said in a Reddit thread. 'I'm genuinely curious. Have we become more unaware as a society, or is there something else going on? I've wondered whether people don't notice, aren't aware if someone is pregnant and don't want to assume, feel awkward offering or just don't think it's their responsibility anymore.'
Mixed Reactions
Many were divided over her question, with some suggesting passengers should always offer their seat to pregnant women as a basic courtesy - but others warned the gesture can sometimes backfire. 'My friend offered her seat to a very pregnant lady. She said she looked like she was due to give birth at any point... But the lady was massively offended, she was just fat,' one explained. 'My friend still says it haunts her as the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to her.'
Passengers Tune Out
Responding to the thread, many passengers said they often tune out their surroundings on trains while scrolling on their phones, listening to music or reading a book. 'Don't want to toot my own horn but I offered my seat a few weeks ago to a pregnant lady standing on the stairs of the train. However, it took me five minutes to realise! I think the not noticing part is a big factor of it,' one shared. 'Generally I am listening to music or reading so I don't notice, and I don't assume pregnancy unless it's really obvious. Also I was told off a couple of times for offering my seat to women because they believed I thought they were weak women who needed help from a man. So now I am less inclined to offer,' another revealed.
Shocked and Ashamed
'Yes, people are inconsiderate and just staring at their phones. However, when I was on crutches last year, people would get up immediately because it was so obvious I needed a seat. Pregnancy is hard. People don't want to offend. I recently saw a lady with a pin, saying "baby on board". I was shocked and ashamed because she did not look pregnant to me. I wouldn't have offered her my seat. But she was seated so maybe that pin works,' one said.
One pregnant woman seemed more understanding of the situation, explaining: 'I have been pregnant and needed a seat before, and have not encountered anyone who wasn't happy to give it up when I asked. Most days, I didn't need it, but there were definitely days where I was dizzy or nauseous for no reason and needed it. I don't think it's malice, it's just a blind spot for everyone who is just so focused on their phones.'
Frustration Among Expectant Mums
Meanwhile, many expectant mums said it's becoming a common problem when trying to find seats on public transport. 'So frustrating. People pretend not to notice, hoping somebody else will get up instead. When I reached the 35 to 36 week mark I just started asking in the general vicinity to embarrass people,' one recalled. 'I'd say, "Hello, I'm 36 weeks pregnant if somebody wouldn't mind giving up their seat for me" at which point people started falling over themselves to give up their seat. It's a shame you have to be that assertive though, you'd think it was common sense.'
Another shared: 'When I was pregnant, I caught at least four trains per day (usually Newtown-Central-North Sydney-Town Hall-Newtown). Not once was I offered a seat on any of those four daily rides, so don't hold your breath. In my last week at work, my water broke Thursday night and I was still in the office Friday, so I could actually not be any more pregnant (literally in labour) and yet I still stood the two trains home, carrying my baby gifts. You'll see lots of people giving sideways glances as they pretend not to notice you. If you feel like you need to sit, speak up. If not, just carry on and don't take it to heart.'
'It's Offensive to Assume...'
Others argued that pregnant women should always ask passengers for their seat. 'It's a bit presumptuous to assume everyone will just get up for you or assume you are pregnant. Society has made it very offensive to accidentally assume someone is pregnant when they're just fat. There is no obligation to offer a seat to a fat person,' one explained. 'There are two sides to this coin. Yes, they should have offered, but at the same time, one needs to ask. The people sitting will often be in their own world and not even notice the people standing, let alone assess their needs,' another added.
