For many married couples, the promise to stand together 'for better, for worse' faces an unexpected test long before any major life crisis: the simple act of booking a holiday. What is often envisioned as a romantic escape from daily routines can, for a growing number of partners, become a source of significant tension and conflict.
The Holiday Paradox: When Getaways Create Rifts
The ideal life partner does not automatically translate into the perfect travel companion. Habits and preferences that are easily managed at home, where couples often have established routines and personal space, can become magnified under the intense, shared experience of a trip abroad. The constant togetherness—sharing meals, hotel rooms, and daily schedules—leaves little room for the individual breathing space many relationships thrive on.
Fundamental differences can quickly surface. Differing body clocks are a common flashpoint, with one partner eager to hit the sights at dawn while the other battles jet lag and craves extra sleep. Similarly, a clash of interests can turn paradise into a battleground; the adrenaline junkie yearning for adventure may feel stifled by a partner whose perfect holiday involves a sun lounger, a book, and a cocktail.
These seemingly minor disagreements can spiral, transforming a supposedly restful break into an exhausting cycle of frustration and heated arguments. For some, holidays become the antithesis of relaxation.
A Radical Solution: "I'll Go My Way, You Go Yours"
Faced with this recurring holiday discord, some couples are making a bold decision: they simply stop travelling together. One such couple is Emma and Christopher Judd, who have been happily married for over forty years. Emma, mother to McFly drummer Harry Judd, explained her preference for globe-trotting without her husband in an interview with The Telegraph in December.
Her passion for independent travel ignited during a trip to eastern India, from Kolkata to Bangalore, which she took with a widowed friend after her husband declined due to his dislike of long-haul flights. The experience of the 'smells, sounds, and the people' made her feel 'alive'. Emboldened, she later organised her own women-only tour to Uzbekistan.
Despite criticism from those with more traditional views, who suggested she was spending too much time away from her spouse, Emma insists the separate adventures have strengthened their marriage. "Being apart does make the heart grow fonder," she said. "I come back fresher, with a new perspective, and we’re better at compromising."
This sentiment is echoed by couples in online forums like Fodor's Travel Talk. One contributor noted they travel apart due to schedule conflicts or divergent interests, such as one partner touring European cities while the other goes skiing. Another explained her husband has no interest in travelling but gives her his blessing to go. A third described the need to mentally prepare for her husband's slower, more relaxed travel pace to avoid conflict.
One couple has perfected a balance: the wife enjoyed a solo 15-day trip to Florence and Venice, while the husband attended a motorcycle rally in Sturgis, South Dakota with a friend. Both returned feeling "refreshed, revived and enthusiastic."
Expert Opinion: Red Flag or Relationship Saviour?
The trend of separate holidays has sparked debate among relationship professionals. Todd Stevens, founder of the marriage retreat Renovation Marriage, views it as a potential cause for concern. He told the Daily Mail, "If you can't spend a week on holiday together... you don't have a vacation problem – you have a relationship problem." He argues that separate trips are a symptom of a deeper issue, not a protection for the marriage, and that shared experiences are crucial for maintaining connection.
Conversely, dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder offered a different perspective. "Time apart doesn’t weaken love, it often protects it," he stated. He acknowledges that travel exposes differences in needs and values, but frames the ability to enjoy separate rhythms as a sign of maturity and trust. "When two people can enjoy their own rhythm, have separate experiences, and then come back together with genuine warmth, that’s not a problem," he concluded.
Ultimately, the debate highlights a modern relationship dilemma: is constant togetherness the hallmark of a strong union, or does granting each other the freedom for independent growth—even on holiday—forge a healthier, more resilient bond? For couples like Emma Judd, the answer is clear, proving that sometimes, the path to a happier marriage involves packing separate suitcases.
