What should be a fun, straightforward night out celebrating a friend's impending marriage has, for many in the UK, morphed into a financially draining and logistically exhausting ordeal. The modern stag or hen do, influenced by Hollywood portrayals and an arms race of extravagance, is increasingly seen as an overindulgent test of stamina and wallet.
The Sky-High Cost of a Last Night of Freedom
The scale of the issue is starkly financial. A 2023 survey by insurance giant Aviva revealed the average person spends £779 to attend a stag or hen in the UK. For events held overseas, that figure soars to an eye-watering £1,208. This isn't just about a few rounds at the local; it represents a significant outlay for guests, often coupled with the use of precious annual leave for multi-day 'benders'.
Writer and live comedy producer Liam Pape, who has experience as a best man and hen do planner, laments this shift. He argues the pursuit of a cinematic experience, inspired by films like The Hangover and Bridesmaids, has created a culture of obligatory, bankrupting weekends. The result, he says, is often gruelling, inconvenient, and ultimately underwhelming.
A Five-Point Plan for a Better Celebration
Pape proposes a modernising five-step formula to rescue the stag and hen from its current excess, focusing on enjoyment over endurance.
Firstly, limit it to one day and night. Multi-day events often see the first night's overindulgence scupper any next-day plans, leading to miserable hangovers during activities. Keeping it to a single session respects friends' time and finances.
Secondly, forget rigid gender divisions. Excluding a lifelong friend simply because they are of a different sex is, in Pape's view, 'barmy'. Inclusive guest lists make for a better, more authentic celebration of the individual.
Thirdly, include a non-alcoholic icebreaker. An activity like axe-throwing, a spa session, or a murder mystery game caters to non-drinkers and helps diverse groups of friends from different parts of the groom or bride's life find common ground before the evening begins.
Fourthly, embrace cheeky, traditional fun. A low hum of rudeness or light-hearted risqué entertainment can distinguish the night from a standard outing, without necessitating anything extreme or uncomfortable.
Finally, prioritise real friends. The core guest list should be the people who matter most to the nearly-wed. Dates should be chosen for them, not to accommodate distant acquaintances, ensuring the presence of true mates.
Returning to the Heart of the Celebration
In essence, the argument is for a return to curation over complication. The perfect send-off shouldn't be a logistical nightmare followed by months of chasing payments. It should be a well-planned, genuinely enjoyable night with the most important people.
By focusing on fun, affordability, and the genuine bonds of friendship, the stag or hen do can reclaim its role as a heartfelt, memorable launch into married life, rather than a bankrupting endurance test that strains the very friendships it's meant to honour.
