In a world saturated with quick-fix guides and life hacks, finding a self-help book that delivers genuine, lasting change can feel overwhelming. To cut through the noise, The Guardian asked a panel of distinguished psychologists, neuroscientists, and behavioural experts to recommend the titles that are truly effective, based on robust research and clinical insight.
Building Better Relationships and Self-Awareness
For those seeking to improve their connections with others, several books offer profound tools. Clinical psychologist Philippa Perry champions psychiatrist Amir Levine's upcoming book, Secure. Due for publication in April, it applies attachment theory—which categorises bonding styles as anxious, avoidant, fearful avoidant, or secure—to all relationships, from romantic to professional. Perry notes it provides a research-backed toolkit to foster security, though she emphasises that, as with any psychological work, reading alone isn't enough; consistent practice is key. For those who can't wait, she recommends Levine's earlier work, Attached, co-written with Rachel Heller.
Neuroscientist Hannah Critchlow selects Rapport by Emily and Laurence Alison for better conversations. Drawing from forensic psychology, the book outlines four personality archetypes—monkey, T rex, lion, or mouse—to help understand communicative strengths and weaknesses. Critchlow argues that in our digital age, actively building rapport with those who think differently is more crucial than ever.
When it comes to sustaining long-term love, psychoanalyst Orna Guralnik recommends Can Love Last? by the late Stephen Mitchell. A founder of relational psychoanalysis, Mitchell explores the unconscious tensions between our need for safety and our desire for adventure in relationships, helping readers become more courageous in their loving.
Cultivating Happiness and Personal Resilience
For those aiming to boost their general happiness, behavioural scientist Paul Dolan praises Oliver Burkeman's Four Thousand Weeks. The title references our limited lifespan, and the book's core message aligns with Dolan's philosophy: focus on improving the small stuff now, rather than obsessing over perfecting the future. Dolan appreciates Burkeman's ability to tackle profound topics with levity and self-deprecation.
Tackling the pervasive issue of people-pleasing, consultant psychiatrist Dr Alex Curmi endorses The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi. Presented as a dialogue between a philosopher and a student, it introduces the Adlerian concept of 'separation of tasks'—clarifying what you are responsible for and letting others manage their own burdens. Curmi notes the liberating irony that living without the fear of dislike often makes people more likable.
To navigate stress and modern malaise, professor Robert Sapolsky recommends Dopamine Nation by Stanford colleague Anna Lembke. Sapolsky highlights the book's exploration of how our cultural avoidance of pain and failure hypersensitises us to craving reward, often leading to addictive behaviours. The key takeaway is to reconsider the goal of a completely pain-free life.
Addressing Specific Challenges: Trauma, Narcissism, and Neurodiversity
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman-Barrett points to George Bonanno's The End of Trauma for understanding resilience. Based on three decades of research, Bonanno challenges the myth that trauma is an inevitable response to adverse events. He shows that flexible coping strategies—knowing when to talk and when to distract oneself—are a learnable skill that fosters recovery.
On the often-misused label of narcissism, clinical psychologist Linda Blair suggests The Art of Happiness, a dialogue between the Dalai Lama and psychiatrist Howard Cutler. Blair argues that focusing on labelling others as narcissists is counterproductive. Instead, the path forward involves strengthening relationships by viewing everyone, including oneself, as equally important and striving for understanding over judgement.
For insight into neurodiversity, psychology professor Almuth McDowall recommends Approaching Autistic Adulthood by Grace Liu. McDowall praises Liu's intersectional perspective and her evidence-based, authentic account of navigating life as an autistic adult, which helps bridge the 'double empathy' gap between neurotypes.
Finally, for parents seeking sensible guidance, economist Emily Oster advocates for Thomas Phelan's classic 1-2-3-Magic. She values its no-nonsense, systematic approach to child behaviour through consistent rewards and punishments, offering a practical antidote to more exhausting modern parenting manuals.
And for anyone struggling with distraction, writer Oliver Burkeman himself finds ancient wisdom in How to Focus, a modern translation of works by the 4th-century monk John Cassian. The advice is to accept distraction as a perpetual challenge and prioritise filling your time with engaging tasks rather than fighting against scroll-induced lapses.
