Amanda Holden Shares Heartfelt Reflections on Grieving Stillborn Son Theo
Television personality Amanda Holden has offered an emotional and deeply personal insight into how she has processed the grief surrounding her stillborn son, Theo. During a candid conversation with her friend Alan Carr as part of their series Amanda & Alan's Greek Job, Holden revealed that she continues to view herself as a mother of three children, despite the tragic loss.
An Emotional Revelation About Motherhood and Loss
The Britain's Got Talent judge became visibly emotional as she recalled the devastating experience of losing Theo, who was stillborn at seven months in 2011. Holden shared her unique perspective on processing the tragedy, explaining that she never questioned why it happened to her or blamed any higher power.
"When we lost Theo, there wasn't one moment where I thought 'why has this happened to me?'" she revealed. "But there also wasn't a moment where I sort of blamed God or anything. And I just, the way I accepted it was to say that he chose me, just for those few months to see what it was like to live and develop and be in the universe, and then the universe took him back."
A Personal Philosophy of Healing
Holden elaborated on her personal belief system that helped her make sense of the unimaginable loss. She clarified that her perspective wasn't necessarily religious but rather a spiritual understanding that brought her comfort.
"Now I don't think that's religious, but I let him go back, and that was my belief rather than like he went back to heaven as such," she explained. "I felt like he went back into the universe and he's out there, and he's still part of our family. Only way I could make sense of it."
Despite the profound sadness of the situation, Holden expressed gratitude for the time she had with Theo during her pregnancy. "I was like, gosh, I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping, he was perfect. And I always, always say I'm a mother of three, always, because I am."
Advocacy and Charity Work Following Personal Tragedy
The television star has channeled her personal experience into advocacy work, partnering with baby loss charity Aching Arms to support other parents facing similar tragedies. Holden has been remarkably open about her journey, hoping to help others navigate the complex emotions surrounding stillbirth and neonatal death.
She raised significant funds for the charity by completing the challenging Three Peaks Challenge, climbing Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon. This physical endeavor represented both a fundraising effort and a personal journey of healing and remembrance.
Recalling the Trauma of Hospital Experience
During an appearance on her Heart Breakfast Show, Holden shared with Ross Sullivan, a user of Aching Arms, the traumatic details of discovering her son would be stillborn. She described the experience as "awful" and recalled particularly insensitive language used by medical staff that compounded her distress.
"I remember the lady afterwards as well when we went for a chat also said 'I know you're going home empty handed' is what she said to me," Holden recounted. "So I felt like some sort of game show contestant, so it's all of that language that I know this charity will be helping people to avoid and educate them on how best to deal with something so awful. It's just awful."
Holden praised the more sensitive aspects of her care, noting that hospital staff moved her to a separate room so she wouldn't have to hear other newborns crying on a regular maternity ward. "Often that's not thought about, it's little things like that," she acknowledged.
A Continuing Journey of Remembrance and Support
The discovery that Theo would be stillborn came during a routine scan that revealed his heart had stopped beating. Following this devastating news, Holden and her husband, Chris Hughes, made the difficult decision to proceed with a caesarean delivery.
Through her public discussions and charity work, Amanda Holden continues to honor Theo's memory while providing support and raising awareness about baby loss. Her willingness to share such intimate details of her grieving process offers comfort and solidarity to countless other parents navigating similar journeys of loss and remembrance.
