Melania Documentary Review: A Costly Exercise in Tedium
After paying to see the much-discussed Melania documentary, I felt compelled to discover whether the widespread criticism was justified or exaggerated. The film has already been labelled one of the biggest cinematic flops of all time, with audiences voting decisively with their feet. My verdict after viewing confirms the public's judgment: this is a film you should absolutely avoid.
A Monumental Waste of Resources
With a reported budget of $40 million and unprecedented access to one of the world's most enigmatic public figures, the documentary had all the ingredients for compelling cinema. The production enjoyed lavish backdrops dripping with opulence and grandeur, yet somehow manages to make every minute of its 108-minute runtime feel painfully slow. The fundamental problem is simple: it's incredibly boring.
Approximately two-thirds of the film consists of watching Melania Trump engage in the most mundane activities imaginable. Viewers are treated to repeated sequences of her leaving buildings, entering cars, being driven around, boarding planes, and occasionally transferring between vehicles. This pattern establishes itself within the opening minutes and recurs six or seven times throughout the documentary.
Behind-the-Scenes Without Substance
What little remains beyond the transportation sequences offers fly-on-the-wall glimpses of Melania meeting designers about her 2025 Inauguration attire. The black and white dress and hat she wore receive disproportionate attention, with extensive footage dedicated to minor adjustments. Another segment shows her reviewing paper invitations for the candlelight dinner she organised for the night before the swearing-in ceremony, presenting her as the world's least flamboyant wedding planner.
Because the film crew only captured the final weeks before the Inauguration, viewers miss the actual design and creation processes, witnessing only the presentation of nearly finished products to the First Lady-elect. The documentary features numerous scenes of Melania admiring herself in mirrors and commenting on beautiful objects, creating an atmosphere of profound tedium.
A Marriage Barely Visible
Those hoping for intimate insights into her relationship with Donald Trump will leave disappointed. The former president barely appears until the final third, and their rare interactions resemble conversations between casual acquaintances rather than a married couple. One particularly awkward scene shows them discussing his election certification by phone, with Donald boasting about his "landslide" victory months after the actual election.
Director Brett Ratner, returning from a lengthy hiatus following unaddressed MeToo allegations, fails spectacularly in his apparent attempt to humanise Mrs Trump. Instead, whether deliberately or accidentally, he portrays her as deeply peculiar and lacking self-awareness. Her omnipresent voice-over describes how walking down specific corridors reminds her of various sacrifices, though she gives no indication of having known about these sacrifices before reading the script.
Questionable Creative Choices
The documentary's musical selections range from predictable to bizarre. From "Gimme Shelter" to "Billie Jean" (revealed as Melania's favourite song) to "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" playing over yet another motorcade sequence, the needle drops feel exhausting rather than enhancing. About halfway through, Ratner introduces a strange affectation: applying grainy Instagram filters to random shots to mimic old-fashioned film cameras, mainly succeeding in creating Zapruder film aesthetics.
One sequence shows Melania visiting Washington for Jimmy Carter's funeral, where she appears preoccupied by the event coinciding with her mother's death anniversary. Later the same day, she visits a New York cathedral for a "private moment" of remembrance, accompanied by the steadicam operator, sound crew, and presumably Ratner himself.
Moments of Contradiction
The documentary contains one moment of seemingly genuine empathy when Melania comforts Aviva Siegel, telling her that leaving her husband behind during hostage releases was the right decision. This moment becomes particularly jarring when, during the Inauguration, Melania claims "nobody has endured" what her husband experienced in recent years, apparently forgetting her conversation with Siegel, whose husband remained in Hamas captivity.
Melania speaks positively about Donald but reserves her most effusive praise for her son Baron, over whose footage plays "It's A Man's Man's Man's World."
Final Verdict
For those hoping for "so bad it's good" entertainment, this documentary disappoints. Melania lacks the camp energy of notorious flops like Cats. Instead, it presents as a bad movie made by questionable people about controversial figures. Under no circumstances should you spend your time or money on this cinematic failure.
