For many, the festive season is a whirlwind of joy and dread, a duality felt most acutely by single parents. Journalist Victoria Richards knows this all too well, describing the experience as 50 per cent joy, 50 per cent pain – and 100 per cent effort. The pressure to be Santa, Mrs Claus, and the elves all in one can be overwhelming, especially when the only gift under the tree for you is a bottle of wine from your boss.
The Solitary Struggle of the Festive Season
Victoria Richards recalls the particular challenge of the Covid-19 Christmas, isolated at home with two children under ten, relying on a doorstep delivery of a festive meal from her parents. The effort to maintain cheer was immense. The sting of solo parenting during this period was amplified by a lack of personal gifts, especially when her children were too young to think of it. She also highlights the painful dynamic for co-parents, where children may leave halfway through the day or alternate years, leaving an empty, quiet house. One friend, she notes, copes by volunteering for Crisis at Christmas on the 25th.
The Revolutionary Act of Self-Gifting
This year, however, Victoria discovered a perfect solution to beat the single-parent blues: making her own Christmas stocking. From the start of December, any "little treats" bought for herself—from a new spatula to a jar of Patak's lime pickle—are placed into a special stockpile. These are then wrapped and magically appear on Christmas morning in a red fluffy stocking at the end of her bed, placed there by the person who cares for her most: herself.
She argues there's nothing wrong with a little festive selfishness. This act of self-love is vital role-modelling for children and teaches them a truth about the season: the real magic of Christmas is mostly done by women (and gay men). She points to the seasonal scandal of women typically handling the cooking, decorating, gifting, and hosting, while male relatives ask for gift ideas.
Building a Personal Festive Tradition
The beauty of this new tradition, Victoria explains, is its flexibility. You can spend as much or as little as you like; the crucial part is dedicating time to focus on yourself. To offer inspiration, she shares the contents of her own stocking for full transparency. Her carefully curated, locally-sourced "little treats" include: handcrafted British chocolate from Audrey's chocolatier in Hove, a luxury winter candle from British perfumer Ffern, Jo Nova hair oil, collagen sachets from Zooki, a guided journal by poet Theresa Lola, the latest Booker winner *Flesh* by David Szalay, and, of course, the spatula.
Her message is clear: after years of ensuring everyone else's magic, it's time for caregivers to spoil themselves too. The question she leaves for other single and co-parents is a simple but powerful one: what are you going to put in yours?
