Fearne Cotton has publicly disclosed that she endured a significant period of depression and emotional heaviness, stemming from profound feelings of shame after her former boyfriend, Ian Watkins, was convicted for multiple child sex offences. The 44-year-old podcaster briefly dated the Lostprophets frontman in the early 2000s, long before his horrific crimes came to light.
Haunted by a Past Relationship
Watkins was killed in prison in October last year at age 48, while serving a 29-year sentence for his sexual offences. Fearne has never directly commented on her involvement with him, but insiders have told the Mail that she feels haunted and deeply humiliated whenever his name arises. In her new book, Likeable, released this week, the former radio presenter alludes to the challenging aftermath of Watkins admitting to 13 child sex offences.
Although she does not name Watkins explicitly, Fearne recalls a time when she was broadcasting on air, anticipating that a horrible news story with a tenuous yet life-altering link to her would be featured on her own radio show. This period coincided with Watkins' arrest in 2012 and his subsequent conviction in 2013, during which Fearne was hosting BBC Radio 1's weekday mid-morning programme.
Struggling with Shame and Isolation
In quotes obtained by The Mirror, Fearne writes about battling intense shame and nausea, making it increasingly difficult to continue her broadcasting duties. She penned, "I feel simultaneously glared at, stared at, yet utterly ignored by those in the office. Are they all talking about me behind my back? Or am I a narcissist for thinking that?" To persevere, she suppressed her anger, rage, sorrow, and tears, describing it as a time of depression and heaviness.
However, Fearne has since worked through these emotions in therapy, realising that the shame was not hers to bear but belonged to others, particularly men who had treated her poorly. The mother-of-two clarified, "Men who have shamed me, treated me badly and left me lumbered with it."
Watkins' Crimes and Death
Watkins died from blood loss at HMP Wakefield in October after being stabbed in the neck. West Yorkshire Police charged two men, aged 25 and 43, with murder, with a trial scheduled for May this year. Shortly after his death, Fearne shared an Instagram post about shame and her struggles with sleep, stating, "Four life lessons from this week. I'm not sleeping well. My brain is a bit wobbly at the moment but I'm grasping the lessons life is chucking my way."
The Scale of Watkins' Offences
In 2013, Watkins received consecutive prison terms of 14 and 15 years for engaging in sexual activity with a child and the attempted rape of an 11-month-old baby. He was convicted of 11 other offences at Cardiff Crown Court, with sentences running alongside his 29-year term. The depraved singer attempted to rape a fan's baby girl and encouraged another to abuse her own child via webcam.
His collection of child abuse material was so extensive, amounting to 27 terabytes of data, that it dwarfed South Wales Police's storage capacity. Experts from GCHQ were brought in to decrypt the encrypted files on his computer. Watkins initially denied the claims but switched his plea to guilty at the last moment, with his defence citing drug use as a factor in his memory loss.
Watkins co-founded Lostprophets in Pontypridd, Wales, in 1997, and the band released five albums before parting ways a month before his sentencing. The band stated they were unaware of his offending. Following his crimes, the band's music was removed from HMV shelves, and Rhondda Cynon Taf council removed paving stones engraved with their lyrics.
