As the new year begins, many across the UK are taking stock of their personal relationships, reflecting on which friendships truly nourished them over the festive period. The tradition of Christmas gatherings, cards, and messages often casts a stark light on connections that may have faded.
The Expert Insight on Modern Friendships
If you found yourself omitted from someone's seasonal greetings or felt the silence from a so-called pal, you might be questioning the foundation of that relationship. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Christie Ferrari, who shares advice on friendships and parenting with over 541,000 Instagram followers, has provided crucial insight into this common social dilemma.
In a recent post, Dr. Ferrari outlined four clear indicators that an acquaintance may not be interested in deepening a genuine friendship, alongside behaviours typical of 'mean girl' dynamics.
Sign 1: Superficial Politeness Without Depth
The first sign, according to Dr. Ferrari, is when someone is perfectly cordial in chance encounters but shows no interest in engaging beyond that. "[They're] friendly when you run into them, but it doesn't extend beyond that," she explained. This surface-level interaction lacks the mutual effort required for a true bond.
Sign 2: The Pattern of Unanswered Messages
A more direct signal is a consistent pattern of ignored texts. Dr. Ferrari states that when multiple messages go unanswered over time, it is a clear communication that the other person is "not opting into the friendship". This passive avoidance speaks volumes.
Sign 3: Never Being the One to Initiate
The third major red flag is a persistent lack of initiation. A person who never suggests plans or texts you first is demonstrating a lack of investment. In contrast, a 'mean girl' type might initiate contact, but only selectively and when it benefits them, such as for gaining information or access.
Sign 4: Letting Distance Grow Unchecked
Finally, a telling sign is when someone makes no effort to bridge a gap that has formed between you. "They let it stay," Dr. Ferrari said. Conversely, a manipulative individual might periodically "pull you back in with compliments, warmth, nostalgia, then drop you again", creating a cycle of confusion.
Understanding the Real Red Flags
In her post's caption, Dr. Ferrari offered a crucial summary. "Not everyone who’s polite wants to be your friend and that’s not mean. The problem starts when politeness feels like potential… and you start over-investing," she wrote.
She emphasises that the core issue isn't simple disinterest. "The red flag isn’t disinterest. It’s confusion, inconsistency, and subtle exclusion. If you’re constantly wondering where you stand, something is likely off."
This expert analysis provides a valuable framework for evaluating relationships as we move into 2026, helping individuals channel their social energy into reciprocal and rewarding friendships.
