A tense Prime Minister's Questions session descended into acrimony on Wednesday, with Sir Keir Starmer launching a vulgar attack on the Conservatives after facing sustained pressure over his government's policy reversals.
Badenoch's Baiting and a Pre-Cooked Response
The confrontation began when Business Secretary Kemi Badenoch coolly welcomed the Prime Minister's "latest U-turn." In a pointed aside that drew chuckles from the House, she added, "I feel like I say that every week." Her relaxed demeanour and sultry smile visibly irritated Sir Keir, who sat twitching on the government frontbench.
Badenoch continued her assault, noting that Health Secretary Wes Streeting had recently suggested it was better to "get it right first time." Streeting offered a muted denial, but the claim was widely corroborated by attendees of a Tuesday event. As Badenoch gurgled with pleasure, she pressed the Prime Minister on whether he agreed with his own minister.
A Descent into "Studenty" Vulgarity
Sir Keir's prepared retort quickly turned seamy. After listing government achievements, he accused the previous Conservative administration of multiple policy flips. "They had more positions in 14 years than the Kama Sutra," he declared, invoking the ancient sex manual. The analogy, a stale relic of Westminster banter, fell flat in the noonday glare of PMQs, appearing desperate and unoriginal.
He compounded the dubious reference by adding, regarding Badenoch and her colleagues, "No wonder they're knackered and they left the country screwed!" The attempt at humour, which may have been devised in late-night Number 10 war-gaming sessions, was widely perceived as prattish and mouldy.
Plastic Bags and Defecting Nuts
Unfazed by the Prime Minister's vulgarity, Badenoch accused him of "waffle" and explained that constant policy changes were causing chaos for farmers, publicans, small businesses, and even Labour MPs. She memorably said Sir Keir was "blowing around like a plastic bag in the wind." Behind him, glum backbenchers sat rigidly, resembling hired mourners at a funeral.
As the session rattled on, Sir Keir, irked by Badenoch's insouciance, laboured over a joke comparing the shadow cabinet to flat-pack furniture. "Nobody wants to buy it, it's mainly constructed of old, dead wood and every time you lose a nut it defects to Reform," he said, in a dig at Nadhim Zahawi's defection. The line was poorly delivered, eliciting little reaction, and is likely to attract the attention of Ikea's legal team.
The Final Frazzled Flip
The pressure told on the Prime Minister. The more Badenoch quizzed him, the more frazzled he became. Soon, she orchestrated a chorus of "U-turn! U-turn!" from the opposition benches, each shout seeming to drill into him. He sat on the edge of his seat, biting his lip and blinking furiously behind his spectacles.
Finally, with his temper boiling over, he resorted to raging. "They should be ashamed of themselves!" he yelled, lashing out with a torrent of adjectives. Everything was suddenly "disgusting," "appalling," and "shameful." When the topic of Elon Musk arose, he erupted: "Disgusting! Shameful! Horrific! Disgusting! Weaponising! Absolute disgrace!" The outburst marked a stark and undignified end to a session that laid bare a leader struggling under the weight of his own indecision.
