Sometimes, the end of a relationship arrives with devastating suddenness, leaving individuals reeling from what feels like an unexpected blow. However, according to the insights of award-winning divorce coach Jennie Sutton, the collapse of a marriage is rarely without forewarning. There are typically subtle, often overlooked indicators in the months preceding a split that, if recognised, could provide a crucial window for repair.
Sutton, who has dedicated years to helping clients navigate the complexities of marital breakdown, specialises not only in recognising when a partnership is over but also in guiding couples to salvage their romances where hope remains. In an exclusive discussion with the Daily Mail, she has detailed the key signs that a relationship may be nearing its end, alongside actionable strategies to mend the damage before it becomes irreversible.
The Garden of Marriage: Nurturing Connection
"Marriage is akin to a garden," Sutton reflects. "It demands consistent tending. Sometimes the sunlight requires redirecting, or the soil needs an extra nutrient boost. Spot the early signs, take deliberate action, and you can watch your life and shared laughter bloom once more."
Here, we explore the expert's comprehensive guide to the clues that signal a struggling partnership and the methods to reignite the connection while time still allows.
1. You Secretly Anticipate Time Apart
The first subtle hint of discord, Sutton reveals, is a quiet longing for solitude away from your partner. "Do you find yourself looking forward to your alone time?" she asks. "If being away from your spouse feels like hitting a reset button for your nervous system, offering a few hours of pure 'you,' this hints that both individuals may need to rediscover their independence."
This preference for solitude can indicate a deficit of personal space within the relationship. Sutton advises prioritising this need before resentment accumulates. "Consider it a necessary break from the shared stresses. Upon returning, you can share your solo experiences. Magic unfolds when two complete individuals come together, rather than two halves potentially suffocating one another. This fosters curiosity and appreciation for the lives you each maintain outside the union."
2. Arguments Follow a Predictable, Painful Script
Another telling sign is the sensation that disputes are trapped in a wearying, familiar pattern. "You speak, they deflect, and you shrink," Sutton describes. "It can feel like the same old sequence, replayed like a scratched vinyl record."
Fortunately, this cycle can be broken. Sutton advocates for a dedicated 15-minute conversation at each day's end to check in and air any grievances. This practice helps prevent minor irritations from escalating and creates a healthier forum for discussion. "Chat about what went well, what could have been better, and what you might change if given a second chance," she suggests. "This isn't merely conversation; it's a rehearsal for connection. By transforming arguments into shared curiosity, you learn to listen, adapt, and even laugh at your predictability." Over time, this can cultivate a greater willingness to explore each other's perspectives.
3. Even Holidays Begin to Feel Like a Chore
Vacations are traditionally seen as a relationship refresher, but when they start to feel burdensome, it's a red flag. Sutton notes this often occurs when rigid roles solidify—one partner becomes the "designated trip planner," the other the passive "passenger," leading to predictability and potential resentment.
"Flip this dynamic by initiating a playful pre-trip ritual," she advises. "Discuss what would make it fun, share your secret desires for the experience, and assign quirky tasks like finding the most unusual souvenir. The anticipation itself becomes a bridge. By the time you disembark, the excitement isn't solely about the destination but about sharing the adventure together."
4. You Miss the Person You Once Were
In long-term relationships, individual passions can be sidelined by the routine of "us." Sutton stresses the critical importance of carving out space for personal interests. If you find yourself yearning for "who you once were," it can corrode the romance.
"Somewhere along the way, you may have disappeared into the couple dynamic, with your passions and solo adventures packed away," she warns. "It's time to bring them back into play. Sharing these passions ignites admiration and fun, allowing your partner to see you as the whole person you've always been. It's a gentle reminder that a relationship thrives when both partners feel vibrantly alive as individuals."
5. Loneliness Creeps In Beside Your Partner
Feeling lonely while in your partner's company is a profound warning sign, often signalling the beginning of the end. Sutton urges proactive effort to reconnect before it's too late, emphasising that grand gestures are unnecessary.
"Small, consistent gestures are profoundly powerful," she explains. "Making a coffee just how your partner likes it, leaving a brief note of appreciation, or taking five minutes to truly listen can restore intimacy. Over time, these micro-moments accumulate, transforming isolation back into connection."
6. "Fine" Becomes the Default Response
Beware the overuse of the word "fine." "Does your partner reply to 'How are you?' with 'fine' repeatedly?" Sutton questions. "That one word can conceal fear, boredom, or deep disconnection."
If this pattern emerges, she recommends expressing how it affects you and encouraging openness. Try saying, "When you say 'fine,' I feel shut out. I genuinely want to know how you are." Follow with open-ended questions like, "What was the highlight of your day?" This invites re-engagement and reinforces that communication is a shared responsibility.
7. You Avoid Mentioning Them to Others
When love is flourishing, you typically want to share your partner with the world. Conversely, dodging questions about them from friends or family is a concerning sign. "This is often a protective mechanism stemming from fear, frustration, or embarrassment, yet it quietly erodes your connection," Sutton observes.
If you catch yourself doing this, she advises adopting a "detective mode" to understand why. "Even a single, honest conversation can reveal unconscious patterns and foster greater understanding."
8. The Sound of Shared Laughter Has Vanished
All couples move beyond the initial honeymoon phase, but maintaining laughter and light-heartedness is vital. If shared jokes, impromptu kitchen dances, and silly moments have disappeared, it may indicate a split is approaching.
"You need to interrupt this pattern by doing something utterly ridiculous together," Sutton suggests. "Humor is our superpower in relationships. It rekindles the joy you initially found in each other and serves as a gentle nudge that connection can feel effortless once again."
9. Your Body Holds the Tension
Relationship strife can manifest physically. "Tension in your body—tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, restless legs—often mirrors the tension within your relationship," Sutton explains. To counteract this, she recommends intentionally incorporating more gentle physical touch to help reset both your physical and emotional rhythms.
10. Your Social Circle Has Noticeably Shrunk
While social circles naturally evolve, Sutton emphasises the importance of maintaining external perspectives and friendships outside the partnership. A shrunken social world can deprive a relationship of invigorating energy.
"Don't hesitate to encourage new experiences, meet new people, and share what you learn," she concludes. "Attend a workshop, join a local club, or host a dinner mixing old and new friends. Diversity in conversation—new ideas, playful debates, shared laughter—can all inspire and enrich your relationship, adding essential fuel to your relational fire."
