In the world of modern dating, a surprising trend is taking hold: the 'circular relationship'. This phenomenon, where couples break up only to find their way back to each other, is moving from celebrity gossip columns into the mainstream, challenging the old adage that an ex is an ex for a reason.
The Personal Journey: From Confusion to Clarity
Lydia Spencer-Elliott, now 29, admits her path to coupledom with boyfriend Louis was anything but straightforward. Introduced by a mutual friend in 2021, their early twenties were marked by a haphazard, on-again, off-again dynamic. They finally became a committed couple in March 2025, proving that sometimes it truly can be a case of right person, wrong time—until the timing finally aligns.
"We were both steadily reckless, somewhat selfish, and extraordinarily immature," Spencer-Elliott reflects. Her story defies conventional wisdom, often preached on platforms like TikTok, which suggests that if a relationship isn't easy from the start, it's not meant to be. Yet, her experience is far from unique.
The Data and the Drama: How Common Are Second Chances?
Research supports the prevalence of these romantic reconnections. Studies indicate that more than a third of cohabiting couples and one-fifth of married ones have broken up and reunited at some point. This pattern is also heavily reflected in popular culture, from the decade-spanning will-they-won't-they of Netflix's One Day to the intense push-and-pull in the BBC's Normal People.
Off-screen, celebrity couples like Jacob Elordi and Olivia Jade perpetuate the cycle, with their status frequently shifting between 'on' and 'off'. This public spectacle mirrors a private trend, where the intense highs and lows of an inconsistent partnership can become chemically addictive.
"You get that dopamine hit. That oxytocin," explains relationship therapist Simone Bose. "If you're stuck in a cycle like that, it becomes a familiar pattern you come to wait for. You might almost create drama without realising it."
Making It Work: Growth is the Non-Negotiable Ingredient
For a circular relationship to succeed, experts agree that genuine personal evolution is critical. Psychotherapist Dr Nicole Gehl emphasises that the core question isn't 'can it work', but 'have we both grown and changed enough to do something different?'
This theory is borne out in reality. Zoë, 37, first dated her partner Joe ten years ago. At the time, a previous breakup had turned her into a "massive commitment-phobe," and she ended things when his seriousness scared her. After eight years of sporadic contact, they reconnected in 2023 over cocktails.
"I'd fallen out of love with dating. Nobody made an effort," Zoë says. "But he really did." The pair are now expecting their first child. She attributes their success to the time they spent apart growing into different people. "Joe is really, really kind and so patient with me... I was a cliché. We needed time to grow up, both of us. Otherwise, it wouldn't have worked."
The Dark Side: When the Merry-Go-Round Won't Stop
However, the circular path is not without significant risk. Professor Kale Monk from the University of Missouri has found that being locked in repetitive breakup-reunion cycles can have a lasting negative impact on mental health. On TikTok, users now openly track their relationship statistics, with some charts spanning five, eleven, or even a staggering 23 years.
One commenter warns of the potential toll: "Please, stop while you can. I wasted so much of my life." Simone Bose advises those considering rekindling an old flame to ask a crucial forward-looking question: "Imagine what this will be like 10 years from now. Do you want that?"
The decision, she says, should hinge on whether core values, communication, and needs are now being met. Dr Gehl adds a final caveat: people should come back together out of clarity and genuine desire, not fear of being alone. "There needs to be real accountability, but at the same time appreciating that you're building something new... You need to be able to forgive."
For Lydia Spencer-Elliott and Louis, the circular journey has, for now, found its centre. The relationship merry-go-round has stopped spinning, offering a hopeful case study that sometimes, the best destination is a familiar place you both had to leave in order to truly arrive.
