As the calendar turns to Thursday, 1 January 2026, the future feels less like a source of excitement and more like a wellspring of anxiety. For columnist Sarfraz Mansoor, the head-spinning weirdness of recent times has replaced youthful optimism with a middle-aged craving for stability. In an era he dubs one of 'predictable unpredictability', the prospect of what the new year might bring is daunting.
From Anticipatory Nostalgia to Present-Day Anxiety
Mansoor recalls the winter of 1995, when Pulp's 'Disco 2000' first captured a feeling of anticipatory future nostalgia. Back then, with Tony Blair's Labour leading in the polls and Bill Clinton in the White House, the future seemed rich with pleasant possibilities. At 24, he looked forward to the surprises the new year might bring.
Contrast that with the present day. The phrase 'that was not on my bingo card for 2025' has become a common refrain, summarising a year of bewildering events. Mansoor lists a cascade of unexpected occurrences, from Paul Simon performing with Sabrina Carpenter on SNL and Noam Chomsky's photographed link to Jeffrey Epstein, to Donald Trump's bromance with Zohran Mamdani and the tragic alleged stabbing of Rob and Michele Reiner by their son.
The list continues with Katy Perry's space voyage, a critically acclaimed new album from Pulp, Marjorie Taylor Greene turning against Trump, Radiohead's return to touring, the assassination of Charlie Kirk, and adult film star Bonnie Blue endorsing Reform UK. This torrent of strangeness makes the arrival of 2026 an anxious prospect.
Bracing for 2026's Predictable Unpredictability
Given the near-certainty that 2026 will deliver more of the same, Mansoor suggests we start filling our bingo cards now. If Oasis can reform, why not imagine The Smiths reuniting for a 'Greatest Hits Live!' tour supported by Rick Astley? If Katy Perry went to space, could Lady Gaga stage a concert from the Mariana Trench?
He posits that after Jimmy Carr and Jack Whitehall's 2025 performance at the Riyadh Comedy Festival, it might not be beyond the realms of possibility for Mohammed bin Salman to announce a one-man show at the Edinburgh Fringe entitled 'I Came, I Bone Saw, I Conquered.'
The Comfort of Certainty in Chaotic Times
Yet, more than preparing for shock, what Mansoor truly desires is a 2026 bingo card filled with reassuring certainties. He finds solace in the predictable: Simon Cowell will once again hunt for the next big boy band. The United Kingdom will, in all likelihood, do miserably at the Eurovision Song Contest. Lord Sugar will inevitably face another parade of inept egomaniacs in his search for a business partner.
For Mansoor, the year 2000—once a distant, magical date in a Pulp song—has come and gone. Now fully grown, his wish for 2026 is simple: some calm amidst the chaos. No alarms and no surprises. In a world that feels increasingly unstable, the mundane and the reliable have become the ultimate aspiration.
