When Laura Stucki watched Erika Kirk address the crowd at her husband's funeral, she formed a swift and harsh judgment. Like thousands of others viewing the service online, the 38-year-old mother-of-seven from Idaho thought the widow's composure seemed inauthentic. Eleven days after Charlie Kirk was shot dead at a Utah college campus, his 37-year-old wife took to the podium in a white suit, brushing away tears but speaking with a steadiness that many, including Laura, questioned.
The Judgment and a Harsh Awakening
'I just felt like she was fake,' Laura confessed to the Daily Mail, recalling her initial reaction in September. 'She just seemed way more together than the image of a grieving wife should be, in my opinion.' Erika Kirk, whose husband was a prominent conservative firebrand, became a subject of public scrutiny for her demeanour while mourning a very public assassination.
Laura's perspective was irrevocably shattered just weeks later. On a day in mid-November, five weeks after Charlie Kirk's death, Laura's own husband, 41-year-old Brandon, died by suicide after a long battle with depression, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue. The father to their seven children, aged four to fifteen, had struggled for years, at times bedbound by significant pain.
In the devastating 48 hours that followed, Laura found herself in her kitchen, laughing with one of her children. She was able to drive, to meet her family's needs, to function. She was not, as she had once imagined a stereotypical widow should be, a paralysed 'puddle of grief'. It felt like an out-of-body experience. And in that moment, her thoughts returned to Erika Kirk.
'I was brought back to my judginess of Erika Kirk,' Laura said. 'And I felt really bad.'
A Public Apology and Shared Understanding
Driven by her new, painful insight, Laura took to social media to write a public apology to Erika, a woman she has never met. She sought to rectify her 'preemptive judgment' now she understood the surreal reality of sudden loss.
'Now, I understand,' she wrote. 'I know now why you were able to stand, to speak, to seem okay, because I know that there are times I am walking, talking, singing... just being, and I look okay.' She now suspects Erika, like her, endures private moments of 'ugly crying' in the car or shower, hit by unexpected waves of sorrow when no one is watching.
Laura identified another crucial parallel: the power of community support. Erika Kirk had the backing of her husband's nationwide following and figures from the Trump administration, including Vice President JD Vance. Laura felt physically 'held up' by the prayers of her own friends and family.
'She had a nation praying for her,' Laura reflected. 'So, of course, she could go out and speak and seem okay because she was being held up.'
A Legacy of Love and a Plea Against Judgment
Laura's focus now is on her children and the memory of Brandon, her college sweetheart of 20 years. They overcame four years of infertility, including multiple miscarriages, to build their large family. Brandon was a devoted homeschool teacher to their children and ran a successful consulting business.
She refuses to dwell on hindsight, describing her experience with the 'frog in a pot' theory, where gradual changes go unnoticed until it is too late. 'I was in the pot with him, so to speak,' she said, explaining why his final act was a shock.
Her message, forged in the hardest of circumstances, is a plea for compassion. 'I think anybody who's judging her grieving process or how she's grieving, unless you've lost a spouse or a very, very close loved one suddenly, don't judge,' she urged. '[Grief] doesn't have a timeline. It doesn't look the same for everyone... From my perspective, judging grief is a pretty shallow place to judge.'
A GiveSendGo campaign has been established to support Laura and her seven children, having raised nearly $30,000 towards a $75,000 goal. The Daily Mail approached Erika Kirk for comment on Laura's apology.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or actions, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Line at 988.
