After more than three decades of counselling couples, a leading psychologist has identified seven distinct 'relationship archetypes' that define how we all approach love and commitment.
Dr Carmen Harra, an American author and relationship expert, drew upon her experience with tens of thousands of cases to pinpoint recurring patterns in how people fall in love. She noticed that unrelated individuals often exhibited strikingly similar qualities and behaviours when it came to romance.
The Seven Falling-in-Love Styles
In her book, Committed: Finding Love And Loyalty Through The Seven Archetypes, Dr Harra proposes that we all align with one of seven core types: the Independent, the Introvert, the Hopeless Romantic, the Workaholic, the Free Spirit, the Wounded Warrior, and the Narcissist.
"Each of the seven archetypes possesses strengths and weaknesses, and each is capable of upholding a relationship so long as they are willing to work on themselves," Dr Harra explained. She added that some types adapt to commitment more easily due to a keener sense of dedication, while others face tougher emotional or psychological barriers.
The ultimate goal, according to the psychologist, is to understand your archetype and then strive for flexibility, moving beyond its limitations to cultivate a more fulfilling partnership.
Discover Your Archetype and Its Compatibility
Based on Dr Harra's framework, here is a guide to the seven archetypes and which others they are most and least compatible with.
The Independent
Defined by a fear of losing their freedom, the Independent is the most reluctant to enter a relationship. They are reliable and responsible but operate on stubbornness and detachment. Most compatible with another Independent or a Workaholic, who won't suffocate them. Least compatible with the needy Wounded Warrior or the complex Introvert.
The Introvert
Emotionally self-sufficient, Introverts recharge alone but struggle with intimacy. They can be creative and confident but also prone to overthinking and isolation. They match well with another Introvert or a Hopeless Romantic. They clash with the Independent and the Wounded Warrior, as none are likely to pursue the other.
The Hopeless Romantic
An idealist who believes life is love, this archetype falls in love easily, often with unsuitable partners. They may love the idea of love more than the reality of a person. Their compassion makes them most compatible with the Wounded Warrior, whom they can help heal. They are least compatible with the aloof Independent.
The Workaholic
For this type, career is inseparable from relationships. They prioritise work and growth, and a partner must contribute to that. They work best with another Workaholic or an Independent. They lack the patience for the Wounded Warrior's healing journey or a Narcissist's pretentiousness.
The Free Spirit
Undecided in all areas of life, the Free Spirit has trouble sticking to commitments. Unlike the Independent, they simply don't know what they want. Their best chance is with a guiding Hopeless Romantic. A pairing with another Independent is likely to fail as both live in separate worlds.
The Wounded Warrior
Haunted by past trauma, this archetype wears a mask, hiding inner turmoil. They must heal their pain before they can fully commit. They are most compatible with the patient, sympathetic Hopeless Romantic. They are least compatible with another Wounded Warrior, a Narcissist, an Independent, or an unreliable Free Spirit.
The Narcissist
Grappling with a dominant ego, the Narcissist can seem emotionally superficial and struggle to bond fully. If mitigated, they can commit. They are most compatible with a supportive Hopeless Romantic or another Narcissist. They clash with the unavailable Independent and the time-poor Workaholic.
Moving Beyond Your Archetype
Dr Harra insists that recognising your archetype is the first step toward healthier relationships. "The goal is to escape the boundaries of one archetype and become as flexible as possible in our lives and our romances," she said. By understanding our inherent strengths and weaknesses, we can learn the values needed to build a partnership that is truly fulfilling for both people involved.
