For many, the question "How are you?" is a simple social nicety. But for Germans, it can feel like a psychological minefield. Journalist Carolin Würfel, reflecting on a conversation with a Turkish friend in Ayvalık, realised she never gives a straightforward answer, a trait she believes is deeply cultural.
The Weight of a Simple Question
Würfel describes freezing when asked "Wie geht's?" Unlike in the UK or Turkey, where a polite "I'm fine" suffices, in Germany such an answer is often viewed with suspicion. It's considered naive, shallow, or even dishonest. The cultural expectation leans towards a truthful, substantive response, creating immediate internal conflict: how much to reveal without being impolite or vulnerable?
A typical German exchange, she notes, might quickly deflect from the personal: "Ach. I'm OK … Well … Actually … did you see what's happening in the news?" This stumbling response, Würfel argues, stems from a profound aversion to vulnerability and a deep-seated suspicion of superficiality. "We can't say something just for the sake of good vibes. Everything must be serious," she writes.
Historical Echoes and Emotional Fortresses
This is not merely a personal quirk but an intergenerational inheritance. Würfel, having interviewed women who grew up in the 1930s and 1940s, notes that "How are you?" was often an absent question in that era. The emotional legacy of the 20th century's devastations—often termed German angst—shapes this reticence.
It carries echoes of shame, postwar guilt, and a collective tendency toward anxiety and overcaution. This history keeps Germans from opening up and taking emotional risks. The irony, Würfel points out, is that while Germany publicly examines its past (Vergangenheitsbewältigung), it rarely discusses how that history continues to shape everyday emotional expression.
Even the language's precise, beautiful words for complex feelings—like Weltschmerz (world-weariness) or Geborgenheit (secure warmth)—may function more as fortresses than bridges, allowing one to describe a feeling without necessarily showing it.
A Hope in Healthier Generations
The consequence of this cultural trait is a perception of Germans as cold, restrained, and detached. They miss out on the easy, warm exchanges that build everyday connection. Author Heike Geißler, in her essay Arbeiten, describes answering the question as "an act of effort, a declaration of stance."
However, Würfel finds hope in younger generations. Those with access to Germany's healthcare system and therapy are better at expressing feelings freely and ridiculing the old stoicism of "squeezing one's butt cheeks and carrying on." They may not say "I'm fine," but they articulate their worries and self-analyses openly—a healthier approach in her view.
As the festive season prompts reconnections, Würfel suggests it might be time to let that generational guard down. Admitting the flaws we've hidden could be the first step towards warmer, more genuine human interaction. What's the worst that could happen?
