A leading health visitor in England is advising parents to adopt a simple four-word statement to swiftly address challenging behaviour in young children. Ruth, a professional known for her parenting guidance on social media, argues that consistent consequences are more effective than traditional punitive measures.
The Power of Consequences Over Punishment
Ruth, who creates content for families from pregnancy through to the toddler years, explicitly disagrees with shouting, using a 'naughty step', or removing privileges unrelated to a child's actions. "I just do not agree with the naughty step," she states, advocating instead for a system of logical consequences. This approach, she explains, helps children understand why certain behaviours are unacceptable.
She highlights that behaviours like hitting, biting, snatching toys, and running off are very common and developmentally normal for toddlers. The NHS notes that tantrums often begin around 18 months, primarily due to frustration from an inability to communicate effectively. These typically decrease as language skills improve and are far less common by age four.
Practical Strategies for Common Scenarios
Ruth provides clear examples of how to implement consequence-based parenting. If a child hits another, they are immediately removed from the situation, leaving their toy behind. "If they can't be kept safe from hitting another child then they have to be moved away," she advises, allowing the subsequent tantrum to run its course before trying again.
For the serious safety issue of running away from a pram, the consequence is immediate and non-negotiable. The child is strapped back in, even if kicking and screaming, and must remain there for the rest of the outing. The key phrase for parents to use is: "You ran away from mummy, you have to stay in the pram, we'll try again tomorrow." Holding this boundary calmly is crucial.
Managing Throwing and Biting
For throwing items like a phone, Ruth recommends a clear warning followed by action. After a warning, the item is taken away for the rest of the day. "We'll try again tomorrow" is the consistent refrain. She stresses that throwing itself is a developmental milestone, so parents should redirect the behaviour by showing what can be thrown and where, such as throwing a ball in the garden.
Biting, while at the more serious end of the spectrum, is also developmentally typical, especially during teething. The response should mirror that for hitting: remove the child from the situation while maintaining contact, not isolation. Understanding the reason behind the bite, such as a need for oral stimulation, is important for prevention.
In the comments on her video, another parent added practical advice: remind children of expected behaviour beforehand, such as saying, "You have to stay next to/hold on to the buggy when we’re walking." Ruth's core message is that calm, consistent consequences linked directly to actions teach children far more effectively than anger or unrelated punishments.
