When actress Ashley Tisdale published a searing essay about leaving a 'toxic' Los Angeles mum group this week, she struck a chord with parents far beyond Hollywood. Her candid account of exclusion, 'mean girl' behaviour, and the final decision to text 'This is too high school for me' has ignited a conversation many of us have been having in private. For one writer, it's prompted a stark New Year's resolution: to ditch the bitching and quit the toxic side-chats for good.
The Allure and Toxicity of the 'Breakaway' Chat
Ashley Tisdale, 40, detailed her experience in The Cut, describing how a once-supportive 'village' of celebrity mothers gradually made her feel 'frozen out'. She noticed being omitted from group hangs, saw the evidence on Instagram, and received flimsy excuses for why she wasn't invited to a birthday dinner. The pattern, she realised, was one of cyclical exclusion. 'And that someone had become me,' she wrote.
This dynamic will be painfully familiar to anyone in a large parent WhatsApp group. The main chat, often filled with dozens of members, inevitably spawns smaller, private 'side-chats'. These are the digital safe spaces, typically with two or three confidantes, where the real 'opinions' are shared. They have names like 'Breakaway' or, with ironic self-awareness, 'Bitches'. Here, eye-roll emojis and popcorn motifs fly the moment someone in the main chat shares a controversial opinion about homework, boasts about teaching their toddler Latin, or complains about a school's jacket potatoes.
From Snarking at 'Sandra' to a Moment of Clarity
The temptation to engage in this side-snark is powerful and often justified as harmless venting among friends. It ranges from critiquing a friend's partner ('why does she stay with a man who looks like a boiled egg?') to speculating about someone's rapid weight loss or work ethic. The author admits to frequent guilt, citing a local neighbourhood WhatsApp row that escalated into side-chat fury.
After a neighbour ('Sandra') criticised her The Nightmare Before Christmas-themed advent window twice, the author's immediate reflex was to screenshot the comment and fire it into a private chat with the caption: 'THE BATS ALWAYS MADE SENSE, SANDRA!' accompanied by a GIF of Elmo on fire. It was in that moment, amid the cathartic laughter, that the toxicity became clear. The very allure of these chats – their secrecy and shared judgement – is what makes them so corrosive.
A Resolution to Step Away from the Drama
While Tisdale faced a public rebuke from Hilary Duff's husband, Matthew Koma, who posted a sarcastic fake magazine cover mocking her essay, her core message resonates. These groups, whether in LA or London, often perpetuate a high-school mentality that undermines genuine community.
As a result, the author's resolution for 2026 is to break the habit. The plan is to live by the old adage: 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' It means resisting the urge to create or participate in breakaway groups dedicated to bitching, and instead addressing issues directly or letting them go. It's an acknowledgement that the digital 'circle of trust' can often be a circle of shared negativity. The final, wry thought? Wondering what the side-chat is saying about this very resolution.
