For many, the morning commute is a sacred time for quiet contemplation or a final mental preparation for the day ahead. However, one UK-based doctor and comedian is declaring war on a specific breach of this unspoken code: public displays of affection (PDAs) before 9am.
The Hill I Will Die On: A Stand Against Morning PDAs
Michael Akadiri, a stand-up comedian and resident doctor, has made his position clear. While he professes to be a firm believer in love—being happily married with children and an avid fan of reality dating shows like Pop the Balloon or Find Love—he draws a hard line at amorous behaviour during the morning rush hour.
"Spare me the hugging, kissing, sitting on each other’s laps," he states. His proposed solution is tongue-in-cheek but pointed: in his personal dictatorship, such acts would be criminal offences. He imagines a British tonguing police (BTP) swiftly apprehending offenders, sending them directly to jail without passing 'Go' or collecting £200.
Evening Indulgence vs. Morning Offence
Akadiri clarifies that his issue is not with affection itself. He acknowledges that a little embrace or kiss on the journey home after a night out, perhaps aided by a drink or two, is understandable. The context, he argues, is everything.
His central question is: "What’s the excuse for feeling randy at eight o’clock on a Tuesday morning?" He contends that nothing should be arousing at that hour and suggests that if one is so stimulated, they are in no fit state to be heading to work. He provocatively equates the effect of such "excessive titillation" to being under the influence of drink or drugs, proposing that affected individuals should stay home until they have recovered.
A Plea for Commuting Decorum
The core of Akadiri's argument is a plea for basic morning decorum. His message to loved-up commuters is simple: "I’m happy for you: love who you love. Just don’t love them in my face first thing in the morning, abeg."
Michael Akadiri, who will embark on his 'Don’t Call Me Uncle' tour across the UK and Ireland in 2026, uses humour to highlight a genuine point of friction in shared public spaces. His stance taps into the broader, often unspoken, British rules of engagement for the daily commute, where personal space and a subdued atmosphere are highly valued, especially in the pre-caffeine hours.
