For countless children of divorce, the festive season can feel less like a celebration and more akin to a complex military manoeuvre. Journalist Lucy Pearson knows this feeling all too well, having spent years navigating the intricate logistics of Christmas Day between two households. She reveals how a radical decision transformed her December from a source of dread into a genuinely joyful break.
The Military Operation of a Split Christmas
Lucy Pearson's parents separated when she and her three sisters were very young, meaning the initial Christmas arrangements were made without their input. As they grew older, gained independence, and began to drive, form relationships, and take on part-time seasonal work, the festive coordination became exponentially more complicated. The central question was always about fairness, though defining that term proved elusive.
Should the four sisters split down the middle, with two at each parent's home? If they stayed together as a unit, where would the main Christmas meal be held, and in which house would they exchange gifts? Departures were often executed with the precision of a scheduled operation rather than a natural conclusion to a family visit. The burden of managing the schedule, rather than savouring the moment, became the dominant theme of the day.
Introducing partners and accommodating work commitments added further layers of complexity. Christmas Day ceased to be a single event and morphed into a series of hurried handovers, often conducted with coats already on and car engines running. Despite everyone's best efforts and good intentions, the day never achieved a sense of true relaxation.
A Radical Decision to Reclaim the Festive Season
After years of this exhausting routine, Lucy reached a breaking point. While she adored the festive build-up—carol services, ice-skating, and merriment with friends—she dreaded the logistical nightmare of Christmas Day itself. Her solution, which she admits still feels radical over a decade later, was to stop spending 25 December with either of her parents.
This choice is sometimes met with raised eyebrows, with people mistakenly assuming it signals family estrangement. For Lucy, the opposite is true. She adores both her parents and step-parents and is very close to her sisters. The decision was never about avoiding them, but about designing a Christmas that worked for her own wellbeing.
Her new tradition involved travelling to her aunt and uncle's farmhouse in Yorkshire. There, Christmas is unabashedly joyous, filled with log fires, muddy walks, her cousins, extended family, and plentiful festive cheer. This single change elegantly solved the core logistical problem.
The Liberating Outcome of a New Tradition
By removing herself from the Christmas Day equation, Lucy created space for quality time with each side of her family. She now visits her mother and stepfather in the run-up to Christmas and sees her father and stepmother afterwards. These visits are uninterrupted, calmer, and far more enjoyable without the intense pressure of the day itself.
This new arrangement has granted her an unexpected perspective. When friends lament the stresses of December travel, in-laws, and sibling politics, she recognises the familiar tone of festive exhaustion. Yet, she now observes it from a slight remove. She enjoys four days in the Yorkshire countryside followed by dedicated time with each parent.
Stepping away from the default Christmas narrative has been profoundly liberating. Far from diminishing the importance of the season, it has enhanced it. Without the pressure to perform festive joy on a specific date, the time spent with each parent feels more meaningful and authentic.
Lucy acknowledges her solution relies on specific circumstances: geographical flexibility, a generous uncle with a spacious farmhouse, and a family that welcomes extra guests. However, her experience underscores a crucial lesson: a successful Christmas has less to do with rigid tradition and everything to do with practical, personal happiness. For her, the trade-off of a less conventional Christmas—celebrating the main event with extended family before catching up with her parents—is a small price to pay for a truly drama-free and restorative December.
