Leesa Morris: A Journey from Addiction to Authentic Connection
For most of her adult life, Leesa Morris was told her sexual tastes were weird. This perception led her down a path of increasingly extreme BDSM encounters, culminating in a struggle with sex addiction. Now recovered, she reflects on her experiences and the lessons learned about self-worth and healthy relationships.
The Descent into Extreme Encounters
After a sexually frustrating marriage ended in divorce at age 32, Leesa turned to online platforms for kinky individuals. She met Simon, a man 16 years her senior, who introduced her to BDSM sessions in a converted dungeon outside London. Initially, these encounters provided a release from years of suppressed desires, but they quickly became transactional and emotionally empty.
Leesa describes a typical evening: "While others enjoyed a summer's night with families, I was being handcuffed in a car by a near-stranger." The physical satisfaction was undeniable, but it was overshadowed by a creeping sense of loneliness. She realised she needed more than just sex; she craved warmth and connection, which were absent in these arrangements.
The Spiral into Addiction
As Leesa continued seeking partners, her behaviour became compulsive. She neglected friendships, missed important events, and engaged in risky activities, including a visit to A&E after an injury during a session. Her obsession with sex and masturbation dominated her life, leading to isolation and misery.
She recalls: "I thought about sex constantly, using it as a coping mechanism to avoid deeper pain." Friends expressed concern, but Leesa dismissed them, believing they misunderstood her kink. It wasn't until a particularly violent session with Simon, where she pleaded for death, that she acknowledged something was profoundly wrong.
Understanding Compulsive Sexual Behaviour
Leesa sought therapy and discovered she wasn't alone. Experts like Dr. Paula Hall and Andrew Harvey explain that sex addiction, or compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD), is defined by dependency and preoccupation, not the type of behaviour. The World Health Organization recognises CSBD, with global studies showing it affects 4.8% of people, including significant percentages of men, women, and gender-diverse individuals.
Key insights include:
- CSBD involves a loss of control over sexual impulses, despite negative consequences.
- It is not about promiscuity or infidelity but an obsession used to soothe emotional pain.
- BDSM and other preferences are healthy when consensual, but addiction distorts them into harmful coping mechanisms.
The Path to Recovery
Leesa's recovery involved abstinence from dating and sex, working through the 12 steps, and learning to sit with her emotions instead of seeking distractions. She emphasises that healing isn't linear but requires daily decisions to prioritise self-respect and boundaries.
"Connection had to start with myself," she says. By fostering authentic relationships and adopting a miniature dachshund named Pluto, she built a foundation of unconditional love. Today, Leesa enjoys sex within emotionally safe contexts and no longer relies on it to fill a void.
Lessons for a Healthier Future
Recovery doesn't mean abandoning kinks or sexuality; it means enjoying them without dependency. Leesa's story underscores the importance of addressing underlying pain and cultivating self-worth. As she puts it, "I treat my body and heart like they matter, because they do."
