What began as a simple question in the Guardian's letters page has unveiled a treasure trove of British wit and linguistic charm. Readers from across the nation have shared their unique, often humorous, responses to one of the English language's most common greetings: "How are you?"
A Tapestry of British Replies
The collection reveals a rich variety of answers, often tinged with dry humour and regional flavour. John Young from Monkswood, Monmouthshire, sets the tone with his standard retort: "No better." His friend Alan, he notes, favours the more competitive "Bad as I am, better than you." This echoes a national tendency to deflect the question with a dose of self-deprecation.
From the north of England, several distinctive phrases emerge. James Vickers from Redcar, North Yorkshire, cites "Fair to miserable" and "Nobbut middling" as typical local replies. Meanwhile, Florence Challands recalls a nuanced code from her time in the East Midlands: "'Not so bad' meant you were fine, 'Not so good' meant you were quite poorly, and 'Pretty middling' meant that you were unlikely to last the night."
Wisdom from the Older Generations
Many of the most memorable responses come from the UK's older citizens, who approach the question with a blend of stoicism and wit. Ray Woodhams of Cawthorne, South Yorkshire, fondly remembers his late father-in-law, a 104-year-old veteran of Dunkirk and the North Africa campaign. His perennial answer, "Surviving. That's the name of the game," has now become a family mantra.
Other nonagenarians and octogenarians offer their own perspectives. Roger Wilkinson from Leasgill, Cumbria, in his ninth decade, now pre-empts the inquiry by asking, "How long have you got?" Mike Peacock, 88, from East Meon, Hampshire, reports his status simply as "Still above ground." Jennifer Williamson, an 81-year-old in Richmond, North Yorkshire, uses the Aberdonian phrase "I'm haudn thegither" (I'm holding together), though she often needs to translate it for her neighbours.
International Flair and Literary Wit
The letters also include an international perspective and a literary nod. Alan Sekers of London recalls his Hungarian grandmother's baffled response: "Vy you esk?" And Rob Davies from Pontesbury, Shropshire, invokes Oscar Wilde's definition of a bore as someone who, when asked how they are, actually tells you.
This charming correspondence, sparked by a Guardian letters callout, does more than just catalogue quirky phrases. It paints a picture of a nation that often uses humour and understatement to navigate daily social interactions, especially concerning health and wellbeing. The responses, from the poignant family legacy of a war veteran's fortitude to the quick wit of a Cheshire nonagenarian replying "Good in parts!", showcase a uniquely British way of connecting without over-sharing.
