Dating Expert Exposes Hidden Meaning Behind 'It Wasn't Meant to Be'
If you have ever heard the familiar breakup line, 'It just wasn't meant to be,' you might have dismissed it as simple bad timing or an unfortunate mismatch. However, according to one of Australia's foremost dating authorities, those five seemingly innocent words can reveal much more about someone's psychological framework than previously imagined. Perth-based matchmaker Louanne Ward, with over thirty years of industry experience, identifies this phrase as a clear indicator of relationships that were fundamentally doomed from the start.
The Pattern of Perpetual Singleness
Ward has observed a striking and consistent pattern among clients who remain single for extended periods, date extensively, yet struggle to maintain any long-term partnerships. 'The clients who stayed single longest, dated the most people, and struggled to make anything last, described their past relationships identically,' she explained. 'They just weren't the right one. It wasn't meant to be.' While most individuals use such phrases occasionally to cushion the pain of heartbreak, Ward cautions that when this becomes a recurring narrative, it points to something far deeper than mere misfortune.
'We all use these lines to console ourselves and soften the blow, which helps make it feel like fate, not failure,' she added. But when someone attributes every failed romance to destiny, she argues it transitions from being about timing, luck, or poor choices into a core belief system. This mindset is formally recognized in relationship research as 'destiny belief'.
The Destructive Nature of Destiny Belief
Destiny belief encompasses the conviction that love should feel completely effortless, that an ideal partner will intuitively understand you without explanation, that chemistry must be instant and perpetual, and that any conflict signals fundamental incompatibility. It is a romantic ideal many absorb from cultural narratives, yet Ward warns it can quietly undermine even the most promising relationships.
Research demonstrates that individuals who strongly subscribe to destiny belief often enter relationships with high initial satisfaction. However, their contentment tends to decline more rapidly compared to those who approach love with an alternative perspective. The reason, according to Ward, is straightforward: when inevitable challenges arise, they interpret them as proof they selected the wrong person.
'Every disagreement becomes evidence. Every rough patch proves they're not the one,' she stated, noting that when love requires effort, those with this fixed romantic view are more likely to abandon the relationship than work through difficulties.
The Healthier Alternative: Growth Belief
In contrast, Ward advocates for what psychologists term a 'growth belief', which centers on the understanding that enduring love is cultivated through dedication, not discovered by chance. 'It understands that a soulmate isn't found; they're built through shared experiences, hard conversations, repair after conflict, and choosing each other again and again when staying is harder than leaving,' she elaborated.
Under this framework, relationship satisfaction deepens not because the partnership was predestined, but because both partners consistently invest, adapt, and mature together. Ward was quick to clarify that believing in soulmates is not inherently problematic. The issue emerges when someone expects love to remain perpetually effortless.
'Someone who leaves every time love requires effort will never see you as 'the one.' Not because you weren't enough, but because no one will ever be enough for someone who believes love shouldn't require work,' she emphasized. If this belief remains unchallenged, each partner risks becoming merely another chapter in the same repetitive story of disappointment.
The Neuroscience of First Impressions
Another significant challenge facing new couples, Ward notes, involves neuroscience that determines lifelong partner cues before any substantive conversation occurs. According to her explanation, when you first encounter a potential partner, there is a critical split-second moment that can make or break a budding romance, and most men are completely unaware it is happening.
This concept is called 'thin slicing', and as Ward detailed, it is not merely a gut feeling or random assumption but is supported by proven neuroscience. 'When it comes to dating, she needs about seven-to-twelve seconds to decide. And whatever happens in that narrow window, that's when her brain makes the call if she likes him,' she added.
While many might assume women base dating decisions on conversation, common interests, or physical attraction, Ward asserts the female brain is already conducting critical evaluations before any of those factors come into play. 'Her brain is scanning for very specific things: leadership, safety, confidence, and emotional stability,' she revealed.
These four qualities appear hardwired into the female brain as essential cues for long-term compatibility, particularly from an evolutionary biology and reproduction perspective. Having worked with thousands of singles over her decades-long career, Ward states women's brains are engineered to process micro-signals at lightning speed when meeting a potential partner. Thin slicing refers to the brain's ability to make rapid judgments with minimal information, a phenomenon psychologists have studied extensively. In dating contexts, this manifests the instant a man enters a room or introduces himself.
