A woman has written to Coleen Nolan expressing anxiety about her husband returning home full-time after working away for nearly a year. She admits she has grown accustomed to managing the household and children alone, and dreads the disruption to their established routine.
Financial gain but emotional strain
The woman explains that her husband's job away from home was a fantastic financial opportunity, but his contract is ending soon. He will be home full-time and looking for work. She confesses, "I’m not sure I want him home full-time! I’ve got so used to it being just me and the kids and we’ve got into a routine, and I’ve actually enjoyed running things how I want to run them."
Fear of change and guilt
She worries that her feelings of dread reflect poorly on their marriage, though she loves her husband and considers him a good father. Before he left, she was terrified of not coping alone but rose to the challenge. Now she asks, "What if I can’t get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach? Where do I go from here?"
Coleen's advice: Communicate and adapt
Coleen reassures her that these feelings are normal and not necessarily a sign of a failing marriage. She says, "I don’t think this feeling necessarily means something big, like you don’t love him any more or the marriage is doomed. However, it is another big change to adapt to."
She advises the woman to talk openly with her husband about her concerns and to ask how he feels about returning. "I think you’ll feel relieved if you simply acknowledge your fears and that it might take a bit of time to get used to living together again," Coleen writes.
Adjustment period for everyone
Coleen notes that the husband may also be worried about losing his freedom and reintegrating into family life. She suggests giving each other space when needed and not blowing minor annoyances out of proportion. "Keep talking and remember to give each other some space when it’s needed," she advises.
