The recent revelation by High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale that she was "frozen out" of her Los Angeles celebrity mum group has ignited a widespread conversation. Her experience, detailed in an essay published in January 2026, has resonated deeply with mothers far beyond Hollywood, exposing a troubling trend of cliquishness and exclusion in modern parenting circles.
The Chilling Reality Behind the Playdates
For many women, the search for community after having a child can lead to unexpected alienation. Vanessa Gordon, a 37-year-old luxury events planner from the Hamptons, first encountered the bitter side of mum groups after joining a stroller community in 2014. She quickly noticed judgemental comments on everything from parenting styles to pushchair brands. "I felt the women were so cliquey," she recalls. The dynamic persisted as her children, Sarah, 12, and Ben, 8, grew older, manifesting in confrontational WhatsApp groups, cutting remarks about clothing, and competitive chatter about expensive summer camps.
The sense of isolation intensified when Gordon went through a divorce. "I could sense this feeling of, 'That’s Ben’s mom over there, she’s going through a divorce,'" she says. "I could feel the isolation." Now, she deliberately distances herself, appearing unapproachable at school events by busying herself with her phone. Ashley Tisdale's essay mirrored this experience on a glamorous scale, describing her exclusion from a group rumoured to include Hilary Duff and Meghan Trainor, and the pain of discovering missed gatherings via Instagram.
From Insecurity to Internalised Competition
Therapist Christie Ferrari, who specialises in fractured female friendships, identifies a common pattern. "All it takes is one person to pull back," she explains. "The rest of the group starts slowly mirroring that... at the cost of someone being quietly pushed to the margins." This behaviour, she argues, is prevalent because women are often socialised to avoid open conflict, yet are not taught how to resolve underlying tensions.
Los Angeles therapist Amalya Tagakchyan, CEO of Untangled Path Therapy, stresses that this is rarely simple immaturity. The transition to motherhood is profound, stirring up unprocessed fear and perpetual comparison. "It comes with a deep sense of vulnerability, ambiguous grief of former identity," she says. This vulnerability can trigger a nervous system response akin to being back in high school, fuelling a toxic environment where competition over social status or children's achievements sharpens hostility.
Navigating the Minefield for Your Child's Sake
The stakes are high, as social exclusion can impact both mother and child. Stephanie Steele-Wren, a 36-year-old therapist and mother in Arkansas, felt deep self-doubt after passive-aggressive comments in her mothers' group, including a hurtful remark about her premature daughter's size. Diagnosed with ADHD, she now worries her own communication style might affect her two-year-old daughter's future playdates.
For those navigating these tensions, experts offer clear advice. Ferrari recommends addressing exclusion without defensiveness—saying "That looks fun" rather than "Why wasn't I invited?" She also warns against hashing out conflicts over text, where screenshots can spread. Ultimately, the solution may lie in scaling down. Tagakchyan advises finding "a smaller group or even one person who evokes that sense of safety."
Vanessa Gordon has found this to be true, connecting with other mums who sit apart from the main crowd. "It’ll be like that one mom who's sitting alone on one rock and I'm sitting alone on another. Then we look at each other and we go, 'You're one of me!'" she says. "I find those relationships to be way more fruitful." The path forward, it seems, is not in seeking popularity in large, performative groups, but in forging a few authentic, judgement-free connections.
