Susan Calman Reflects on Comedy, Identity, and Overcoming Depression
Standup comedian and author Susan Calman has opened up about her life, from battling depression in her teens to finding solace in the comedy world, which she describes as an industry full of weirdos where she finally found her people. Born in Glasgow in 1974, Calman worked as a corporate lawyer before embarking on her comedy career in 2006, a move that would redefine her path.
Early Life and Struggles with Identity
Calman recalls her childhood as the youngest of three, often a bit naughty and tomboyish, with scabs on her knees from playing in the garden. She shares a story from her youth when she turned down the role of Mary in a nativity play because she didn't want to kiss Joseph, opting instead for Angel Gabriel, showcasing her strong-minded nature from an early age.
Her first experience with depression came during her teenage years, attributed to isolation and loneliness. Attending a private school in Glasgow, she felt out of place, unable to relate to peers who fancied pop stars like Jason Donovan. Instead, she found comfort in watching classic films with her grandmother and visiting the Glasgow film theatre.
Navigating Sexuality and Career Choices
Growing up in Glasgow during the 80s and 90s, Calman notes the lack of positive representation for LGBTQ+ individuals. She knew she was gay from a young age but waited until she was 20, after her grandmother's death, to come out to her parents, who were supportive despite her fears.
She studied law, seeing it as a normal path for someone who felt abnormal, though she lacked the requisite skills. Initially aspiring to be a humanitarian lawyer for the UN, reality led her to a corporate law traineeship, where she struggled to fit in, even being criticized for wearing Tank Girl boots to work.
Transformative Experiences and Comedy Beginnings
A pivotal moment came when Calman worked on death row cases in North Carolina, meeting prisoners from diverse backgrounds. This experience, followed by a visit to a gay resort in Provincetown, expanded her worldview and comfort with her identity.
Encouraged by friends, she tried standup comedy at a Glasgow club's Red Raw event, despite never having been to a comedy club before. Introduced incorrectly as Sarah Calamari, she performed a nervous five-minute set that ended with her being sick in the toilet. Yet, she was hooked, finding a community of fellow weirdos in the comedy industry.
Career Evolution and Personal Growth
It took six years for Calman to hone her craft, with early struggles including a poorly received show in 2008. She took a break and returned with a style focused on long, rambling stories, which resonated better with audiences. She admires comedians like Sarah Millican and Gary Delaney but has carved her own niche.
Key lessons from her career include learning to say no and avoiding social media feedback during performances. Now 51, she faces challenges like perimenopause and brain fog but has adopted a healthier lifestyle, including HRT, quitting alcohol, and regular gym visits, losing four stone to stay focused.
Happiness and Self-Acceptance
Despite these hurdles, Calman declares she is the happiest she has ever been. Reflecting on her miserable teens, 20s, and 30s, she found life improved in her 40s and now embraces her 50s with confidence. She feels she has finally kicked down the door to self-acceptance, realizing she is exactly where she's supposed to be.
Calman continues to tour with her show Tall Tales across the UK, sharing her journey of kindness and joy with audiences.
