Before arriving, Matilde expected Australia's famously social, laid-back culture to make settling in easier. She couldn't have been more wrong. Australians have a reputation for being outgoing and easy to talk to, but according to the Italian expat who has built a life across four different countries, that does not necessarily make them easy to befriend.
A Surprising Difficulty
Matilde, who grew up in Italy and has also lived in Switzerland, the UK, and Canada, said Australia was by far the worst place to form meaningful friendships. Not because people were rude, but because they already seemed to have all the friends they needed. 'Australia has been the hardest country to make friends in,' she said in a video.
Before arriving, Matilde expected Australia's famously social culture to make settling in easier. 'The perception I had of Australians was that they were very extroverted, friendly, and eager to make new friends,' she explained. Instead, she found many people appeared content with long-established friendship groups. 'They want their friends from school. They want their inner circle. They want to be friends with who they know.'
Striking a Nerve
Her comments struck a nerve because they highlighted something many migrants, interstate movers, and even lifelong Australians have quietly observed for years: meeting people is not the problem. But building a friendship that extends beyond occasional chats and casual catch-ups often is. One Sydney local who recently relocated to Brisbane said they experienced the same thing. 'Everyone is always friendly, but it always feels like you're making surface-level acquaintances rather than genuine friendships,' they wrote. Another summed it up more bluntly: 'People are friendly here but don't want to make actual friends.'
The Role of Small Talk
For Matilde, the disconnect comes down to the type of conversations people are willing to have. 'They're really good at small talk and it's something I absolutely cannot do,' she said. 'I don't want to talk about the weather. I don't want to talk about what I did over the weekend.' Instead, she wants to understand people on a deeper level. 'I want to talk about who you are. I want to talk about where you're from and your experiences.'
That desire for emotional closeness is not unusual. In recent years, loneliness has become a growing topic of conversation around the world, particularly among adults who have moved cities, changed jobs, or found themselves rebuilding social circles later in life. While making friends as a child often happens naturally through school, adulthood tends to be far more structured. Existing commitments, families, careers, and routines leave less room for new relationships to develop.
Australian Perspectives
Some Australians argued that was exactly what Matilde was experiencing. 'How else do you become friends without first starting with small talk?' one person asked. 'I've never jumped into a friendship without finding out what a person is like first.' The commenter explained they had built friendships through school, work, and social groups over decades. 'Start with the hated small talk and take it from there.'
Others suggested Australians can be slow to open up rather than unwilling. 'People don't want to invest time in temporary friendships. They know you're not there permanently, so there's no point in going deep,' one wrote. Yet many locals admitted they recognised the problem themselves. 'I was born here in Australia and completely agree. It's very cliquey and it doesn't matter which state. I have zero friends and I'm in my mid-50s,' one woman said. 'I'm nearly 30 years old and I have two friends that I hardly ever see,' another added.
International Comparisons
Several Australians said travelling overseas made them realise how differently social interactions can unfold elsewhere. 'I'm from Australia and recently travelled solo overseas. I was shocked by how easy it was to make friends in public. It's just not something that happens here,' one person wrote. Whether that is because Australians are genuinely harder to befriend or simply take longer to let people into their lives remains open to debate. But Matilde's experience touched on something many adults understand all too well: it is possible to spend an entire day surrounded by friendly people and still go home feeling alone. And for newcomers trying to build a life from scratch, that difference can feel enormous.
