Oversharing often gets a bad reputation, with moments of verbal incontinence leading to post-social flashbacks and shame. However, Harvard professor and behavioural scientist Leslie John argues in her new book Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing that saying more than we feel comfortable with can benefit friendships, love lives, careers, and health.
John explains that while we hold back due to perceived risks, such as career suicide, the reality is that openness fosters trust. Her studies found that 85 per cent of employees preferred colleagues who kept transparent diaries, and leaders who admitted weaknesses were deemed more inspiring. In dating experiments inspired by The Dating Game, participants consistently chose candid suitors over those who refused to answer, even when confessions included false insurance claims.
Hesitancy to be vulnerable is hindering Gen Z in love, with Hinge's 2025 report showing 84 per cent want deeper connections but are 36 per cent more hesitant than millennials to start deep conversations on first dates. John emphasises that while we focus on the risks of revealing, we overlook the costs of concealment, which can mean missed opportunities for intimacy, promotions, or life partners.
Even in long-term relationships, not sharing can lead to drifting apart. John advises treating feelings as data and sharing more to maintain connection. She offers four steps to make oversharing easier, though details are not provided in the source.
