The Great Plant-Based Naming Debate
Oat milk isn't milk. Even dedicated vegans like myself can acknowledge this fundamental truth. We don't require dairy-inspired terminology when we're enjoying a refreshing glass of wholesome, plant-based alternatives, according to Flic Everett, former editor of a prominent vegan food publication.
The Contrarian Perspective
During my strict vegan phase several years ago, I encountered a friend – let's refer to him as Mary Q Contrary – who vehemently opposed vegan products "pretending" to be meat or dairy items. "It's not a sausage," he would declare firmly. "It's compressed butternut squash and barley formed into a cylindrical shape." And heaven help anyone who dared mention plant "milk." "How can this possibly be milk?" he would challenge. "It's the watery extract from peas! It's the runoff from soaked cashews!"
Initially, I attempted to defend vegan alternatives – arguing that vegans deserve sausages and milk too – but looking back, I find myself agreeing with his perspective. Why are we so determined that plant-based products must appropriate names from the meat and dairy industries to become acceptable?
The Marketing Misstep
During the peak vegan enthusiasm of 2016, when celebrities from Beyoncé to Brad Pitt publicly embraced veganism and major brands rushed to develop soy-based alternatives, I served as editor of a vegan food magazine. The prevailing theory suggested that maintaining "meaty" names might convert carnivores to plant-based lifestyles. Reader, this strategy failed spectacularly.
In reality, the trend toward "pea protein chicken" and "potato milk" (yes, I remember, please don't remind me) primarily confused consumers who couldn't comprehend why they received seitan instead of bacon when the packaging clearly stated "bacon."
The Legal Landscape
Recently, regulations have determined that Oatly, producers of what was previously marketed as "oat milk," cannot even employ the M-word in their promotional materials. This week, the Scandinavian company attempted to trademark the phrase "post-milk generation," only to be rejected by the UK Supreme Court, which maintained that "milk" exclusively refers to animal-derived products.
This ruling might actually prove beneficial, since "post-milk generation" evokes images of toddlers transitioning from breastfeeding to sugary drinks, yet Oatly expressed outrage. General Manager Bryan Carroll argued the decision creates "an uneven playing field for plant-based products that solely benefits Big Dairy."
The Linguistic Limbo
For a period, the awkward term "mylk" emerged to designate non-animal beverages, but besides conjuring images of aging hippies dancing to panpipe music, it was eventually prohibited for sounding too similar to "milk." The entire discussion has descended into near-farce, with vegan companies determined to force "burgers" and "sausages" onto damp mushroom patty packaging, while traditional meat industries insist names only apply when animals have genuinely suffered during production.
Nobody emerges victorious from this linguistic battle. As a former vegan who continues to avoid meat and only purchases milk from ethically raised cows, I believe it's entirely reasonable for plant-based consumers to abandon ancient descriptions favored by the meat industry.
A New Vocabulary for Plant-Based Living
I prefer not to contemplate deceased pigs while consuming a satisfying, pea-based cylinder, nor do I wish to consider bovine transformation processes while enjoying ground vegetables shaped like hockey pucks. Regarding "oat milk," every vegan understands that no grain, nut, or vegetable extract tastes satisfactory in tea – this remains an unfortunate reality – and labeling these strained, processed liquids "milk" deceives nobody.
The time has arrived for plant enthusiasts to develop our own packaging terminology, completely distancing ourselves from Big Meat, Big Dairy, and Big Fish. We could introduce "Protein Pucks" instead of burgers and "Smoky Slices" as bacon alternatives. Milk might be rebranded as "Pourable Plants," which sounds considerably more appealing than the feeble "oat drink" currently employed by companies.
We don't require those meaty, dairy-esque words. We can initiate an entirely new language. Admittedly, meat-eaters may not gravitate toward these innovative products... but who truly cares? This represents a vegan revolution, and it commences with a substantial Puck Off.
