I have a really good mate that I met way back when our kids were tiny at a local parents’ group. I ended up splitting parental leave with my wife, so I was off for quite a while. It can be really hard to make “dad friends” and when we met and got on, I was stoked.
We used to meet up a couple of times a week – sometimes even more – at the park and for coffee; we’d take our babies to local nursery playgroups and always sit together. People used to joke we were like the Two Ronnies, because we got on so well and always riffed off each other’s sense of humour. Our wives got along too, so as the years went by, we’ve been on family holidays and supported each other as we’ve had more children. We’ve even spent Christmas and new year together.
Now, though, we’re in the middle of a rift and I can’t help but feel pretty heartbroken about it. The issue is that our eldest kids started at the same high school this year – and mine has fallen in with a group which has a “mean girl” in it who bullied the other child when they were at primary school together. I knew about the bullying back then and felt awful about it – but I don’t even know the girl now she’s grown up. She might have changed her ways – my kid certainly seems to get on with her just fine.
The fact that my child is friends with this girl who used to bully my mate’s daughter has gone down like a lead balloon. He’s stopped returning my calls and messages, makes excuses whenever I suggest meeting up and ghosted me when I asked if we would be getting together, as usual, over the holidays. I don’t know what to do. I believe in giving people second chances and can’t help thinking that this “mean girl” deserves that, too. It’s been years since she was a young bully. But if it were my daughter who had been bullied, would I forgive that easily?
I’m torn: can’t we just let the teenagers figure it out for themselves? Or should I be more loyal and stop my kid from hanging out with this girl who used to bully her friend? All I know is, I miss my mate.
