A reader recounts a romantic weekend getaway that took an awkward turn when she spontaneously proposed to her boyfriend in a hotel swimming pool. Celebrating his birthday and her job promotion, she blurted out, 'Will you marry me?' during a playful moment. To her shock, he responded, 'Are you joking? Eh, maybe not yet.'
Reader's Hurt and Confusion
The reader, feeling embarrassed and hurt, explains that they had been discussing the future, including weddings and babies, so the proposal wasn't entirely out of the blue. Despite the impulsive delivery, she insists it came from the heart. Since then, the couple hasn't spoken about it, and she admits to sulking. 'I don't doubt he loves me and our relationship is solid, but why didn't he just say yes? It's all a bit awkward,' she writes. Too embarrassed to confide in friends, she seeks Coleen's opinion.
Coleen's Advice: Address the Elephant in the Room
Coleen Nolan, the agony aunt, suggests the reader's hurt stems from ego and pride. 'He didn't say no, or never, but he might have been thrown in the moment, as it was so unexpected and you said it lightheartedly, hence he thought you might be joking,' Coleen explains. She advises against avoiding the conversation and recommends asking what 'not yet' means. 'Have a grown-up discussion about the future,' she urges.
Coleen also suggests the boyfriend might have wanted to propose himself, and the reader's spontaneity may have disrupted his plans. She encourages honesty: 'Tell him you're not going to ask again, but you're still committed, putting the ball in his court.' Addressing the insecurity, she says, 'By dodging the question, he's made you feel as if marriage isn't on his agenda. Address it rather than overthinking.'
Words of Wisdom
Coleen concludes with a reminder: 'Self-doubt is a reflection of your fears and not your capabilities. You're also allowed to learn and grow, and that doesn't mean you're not good enough.' She emphasizes that if both love each other, they should stop guessing and be honest.
