If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Scam artist
My girl will do anything to get her own way. She lies; she steals and throws rivals under the bus. She has no conscience whatsoever. Once she told me that she had to give up a job because she was being harassed. She claimed that a colleague was coming on to her. I was all for reporting this 'crime' to the police, but she wept and insisted she couldn't stand the fuss. So, I encouraged her to walk and promised to bankroll her. Was it true? No. She was simply sick of getting up at 7am every day. The whole story was completely made up. On another occasion she announced she'd been scammed out of £10,000 online. I felt sorry for her that I gave her my savings. It was only when she turned up with a designer handbag that I realised I'd been had. Then she pretended to have a life-threatening illness and said she had to go away and stay with a distant aunt in Ireland. She was actually shacked up with another man in an apartment in Manchester.
Now we're back together again but life is tough. She's refusing to get a new job because employment is too taxing. I'm working like stink to support us both and get nothing but grief in return. Whenever I ask about her long-term plans, she fobs me off. It's the same in the bedroom; we've not had sex for weeks. Several times I've tried to discuss our non-existent sex life, and she's muttered about her health not being good. Another one of her lies? Meanwhile my family are begging me to drop her. But walking away isn't easy when I've already invested so much time and money in this relationship.
JANE SAYS: Over the years your partner has told you a string of outrageous stories without batting an eyelid. She has continued to play on your kind nature and your conscience, and it has worked. You've fallen for every one of her lies. Now you finally realise that she's never going to change. You need to tell her that the game is up. She is clearly a very manipulative woman with no conscience and no scruples whatsoever. From day one she's lied and twisted you around her little finger. Now, despite lying about her health to live with another man, you're still half killing yourself to support her. She may well pat herself on the back and think that she's 'won' but you must start prioritising your mental and physical health. If you're not happy; if you feel you're being used; then you must get out. You've been duped and conned one time too many. Swallow your pride; speak to your family and put an end to this nonsense. If you believe that a crime has been committed; that she has defrauded you or taken money under false pretences, then you may also consider speaking to a solicitor – or even the police – regarding the way she operates. God forbid that she should con anyone else in future.
Supremely selfish
My parents know how much my partner and I struggle to pay our bills. Yet, whenever I ask for cash, they plead poverty. They never stint when it comes to booking luxury holidays and seeing the latest shows. They're currently having a brand-new kitchen fitted, plus they're planning a world cruise. I think that they're supremely selfish. What about our priorities, like our gas and food bills? How can they live with themselves knowing how much we're suffering while they have money in the bank?
JANE SAYS: I suspect your parents believe that any money they have now, is theirs to spend, as they like. If they worked hard and made good business decisions, then this is their reward. I realise that's hard to take, but maybe they feel that you had enough from them as a child and young adult and that it's up to you to make your own way now. It could also be that they don't like being asked for money, preferring to offer it, on their own terms, whenever they feel like it. I suggest you back off before you fall out completely. Sit down with your partner, look at your incomings and outgoings and update your budget. Work out where savings can be made and be strict with yourselves. You have a very strong sense of entitlement.
In excess
I'm secretly sleeping with a married colleague. I've done some stupid things in the past six months. From sex on my boss's desk to fumbles in the car park, my lover and I have committed some of our worst excesses whilst drunk. I cringe at how reckless I've been. I'm worried about my colleagues finding out about us. I need to get away from him but fear he has too much on me. I'm desperate to reclaim my reputation.
JANE SAYS: Don't tell me that your (sober) colleagues haven't noticed the frisky, drunk couple swaying through the office, acting inappropriately. If anything, you should count yourself lucky that you haven't been hauled up before the boss by now. The chances are that your 'lover' has been bragging about your affair the whole time you've been together, so it's hardly going to come as a surprise to anyone. Tell him today that you're walking away; you're claiming back your life and aren't interested in gossip, veiled threats or pleas to come back. You should also ask yourself why you felt tempted to act like an idiot and lose your mind in the first place. Stop burying your head in the sand and take responsibility for your drinking and your career.
The party's over
My mean sister has stopped buying birthday and Christmas gifts even though my children are a lot younger than hers. My son has just celebrated his 14th birthday and didn't even get a card even though I sent her daughter £25 when she turned 21 in April. I'm furious. What should I say?
JANE SAYS: Suggest a coffee or a walk on neutral territory and gently ask your sister how she's doing. Give her a chance to unburden. Perhaps she is struggling with her budget and is short of cash right now or has more pressing matters on her mind. Ultimately this might be a good time to end all gift and money giving within the family. You could end up saving yourself a fortune in cash and get a bit of time back.
