For Can, a 49-year-old divorced father, a casual arrangement with Shani evolved into something deeper. After seven years of polyamory following his divorce, he rediscovered himself through connections with different people. But when he met Shani for brunch, a spontaneous kiss changed everything. They decided to stop seeing other people to focus on each other fully. 'I was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn't true,' he says. 'Maybe it was timing, or that she also wanted good sex with someone who didn't need a relationship.'
Building Trust and Intimacy
In the beginning, Shani focused on the physical, and Can understood her need for that. Trust grew slowly, and Shani began to let her guard down. Now she appreciates his company as much as his anatomy. More than two years in, their passion remains strong. They see each other only a few nights every couple of weeks, and that distance keeps the sexual tension alive. 'My life with Shani is completely separate from my life as a divorced father,' Can explains. 'There's still a part of my heart that's frozen, and difficult to open up and give away. Divorce does that to a person.'
What Attracts Them
Can is drawn to Shani's brilliant mind and strong opinions, which he finds as arousing as her figure. 'The more she realises how much I love her body, the better the sex is,' he says. Shani initiates by wearing a certain nail polish, lipstick, or shoes. Can initiates by coming up behind her and biting her neck. 'If she's horny, it's written all over her face,' he adds. Their openness extends to discussing attraction, other people, and fantasies. Shani admitted early on that she can get jealous, but they communicate their doubts and fears rather than letting them fester.
Shani's Perspective
Shani, 44, had known Can for 15 years before inviting him for brunch. She hadn't felt attracted to him before, but after getting drunk and kissing, they knew something was unfolding. When they eventually had sex, it lasted for two days. The attraction remains strong two and a half years later. At the time, Shani was coming out of a wild period after her husband of 12 years left her unexpectedly. She moved around a lot and slept with multiple partners to avoid being abandoned again. 'Being with everyone was a way to avoid being with anyone,' she says. But by the time she got together with Can, she had decided to stop.
Navigating Fear and Trust
Getting closer to Can was scary, so Shani told herself it was just sex. But being with him was fun and easy, and she was open to seeing where it could go. His polyamorous and divorced background made him seem less needy, which felt safer. When he decided to stop seeing other people early on, it was reassuring. 'I really trust him; he's taking the cynicism out of me,' Shani says. 'But the fear is still there – that he'll fancy someone else and leave me for them.' They talk about going to sex clubs and bringing other people in, but seeing him with someone else will be a test. 'I'm not sure how I'll react,' she admits.
Living in the Moment
They live an hour apart and don't talk every day, and Shani likes that distance. 'I don't want to rely on anyone, but I know I can rely on him,' she says. When they're together, they have sex first, then talk. Their relationship is intuitive and exists in the present. 'I don't know what long-term looks like, but I don't see why it can't continue like this,' she concludes.
