Michelle Heaton broke down in tears during a candid interview on Tuesday, opening up about her harrowing battle with alcohol and drug addiction. The former Liberty X singer, 46, admitted she reached a point where she no longer wished to live, describing the depths of her despair as she struggled to overcome years of dependency.
A Journey Through Addiction
Michelle, who has been sober since 2021, revealed that her addiction nearly ended her life. During her time in Liberty X, she became reliant on alcohol, which led to years of binge drinking. Some days, she was unable to get out of bed without having a drink. In 2012, after undergoing a mastectomy, she felt she had lost her identity, turning to alcohol and cocaine as a coping mechanism.
Speaking to Paul C Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Michelle opened up about her suicidal thoughts. 'Every time I tried to stop I couldn't, every time I tried to stop I was sick. I felt better when I drank alcohol,' she said, breaking down. 'I remember there were many points where I didn't want to wake up, I just didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't see a way out of it, I couldn't stop. I knew I was killing myself.'
The Impact on Family
Michelle admitted that alcohol stripped her of the ability to care for her husband Hugh Hanley and their two children, Faith, 13, and AJ, 11. 'Alcohol stripped me away from all of that, it stripped me of the ability to care. In that moment I loved the alcohol more than my family,' she confessed. She praised Hugh for his unwavering support, saying, 'It was awful for him, he could see that I was killing myself with alcohol and with drugs.'
Towards the end of her addiction, she became sloppy, admitting that part of her wanted to be caught because she couldn't ask for help herself.
A Turning Point with Katie Price
Last year, Michelle told the Daily Mail that a night out with Katie Price made her realize she needed to embrace sobriety. She had already acknowledged her problem but felt unable to confide in anyone. 'I thought, "God, if they can do it, what did they do?" And as soon as I accepted I needed help, help was always there.' Katie had been sober for a year after treatment at The Priory for PTSD.
Struggles During Liberty X
Michelle's alcoholism began during her time in Liberty X, where she often drank in the mornings before TV appearances. 'I never thought I could perform without having a drink because I suffer from impostor syndrome. I thought I needed a drink to squash the nerves,' she explained. After rehab, she felt a high she had never experienced before, as she had always dulled it with alcohol.
Rehab not only helped her with alcoholism but also taught her to establish boundaries. 'I've allowed myself to be in situations I should never have been in. I said yes to anything, to staying out all night, to partying with people I'd just met. I had absolutely zero boundaries,' she said. Now, she has learned to say no and manage her reactions better.
The Catalyst: Hysterectomy and BRCA2 Gene
Michelle discovered she had the BRCA2 mutation gene, which gave her an increased risk of cancer. She underwent a preventative double mastectomy and later a hysterectomy, which led to early menopause. 'I had an 85 percent risk, so it was an easy decision. I didn't think about the consequences, or what that might look like, and the way I coped with that wasn't right,' she said. 'It changed my life, going through the menopause so early. Nobody can see your hormones or understand what you're going through. I found myself not fitting in, and alcohol was my way out.'
For help with alcohol addiction, contact Alcoholics Anonymous for free on 0800 917 7650 or email help@aamail.org. If you have been affected by this story, contact Samaritans on 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org.
