Former footballer and actor Vinnie Jones has opened up about the profound grief he has experienced following the deaths of his wife and mother, admitting his fear of crumbling under the weight of loss. The star, known for his tough-guy image, shared his emotions during the latest season of his reality show, Vinnie Jones in the Country, which airs on Discovery+.
A Heartfelt Conversation About Loss
In episode six of season three, Vinnie hosted a charity event at his West Sussex farm for children and siblings affected by cancer. After the event, he had an emotional discussion with Jim, a father whose son Alfie died in an accident at age 24. Vinnie said, "It's hard to come to terms with, a loss like that." Jim shared that he and his wife visit Alfie's grave daily, changing flowers sometimes at 11 at night.
Referring to the loss of his wife Tanya to cancer in 2019, Vinnie agreed: "I know, because you will feel guilty. It's a process, mate, and it takes time. Everything heaps on very early as well, but you start coping with it. You should get up in the morning and the first task of the day, do it properly, and then you can do the next one a bit better."
Breaking Down on National Television
Vinnie recalled how he broke down on national TV after Tanya's death, saying, "I got it out there, I helped other blokes, I said 'Yeah, it's alright to f****** talk and it's alright to f****** cry and show our emotions, why not?' I look to see how proud I'm making her now." He admitted he used to feel guilty about enjoying himself but now understands that is what Tanya would have wanted.
Speaking directly to viewers, Vinnie also opened up about the loss of his mother: "I have been through a lot of grief one way or another. My wife and my mum in the last few years. People look and say, 'He's been through this, he knows what we are talking about, we trust him.'"
The Fear of Crumbling
After the emotional charity day, Vinnie took a moment to himself and candidly shared: "Talking to Jim, it just flooded back so many memories and it's devastating. The only way I can sit and listen is because I have been there. I'm still going through it and I always will for the rest of my life go through it. Losing my mum, it's something that's very personal, it's a massive blow that I'm still holding in, I think. It worries me a little bit that there's been no breakdown. I don't think you can control grief and with my mum I'm trying to keep it away. Whether that's the right or wrong thing, I don't know, but it's painful, it's hard. You have to keep busy or you will crumble, and I ain't gonna crumble. It is the fear of crumbling that keeps me going, I think."
Vinnie Jones in the Country is available to watch on Discovery+.
