Some individuals adore non-stop sightseeing holidays, characterised by a relentless cycle of coach rides, motorway journeys, stately home visits, cafe stops, lunch breaks at upmarket service stations, beauty spot explorations, and shopping village excursions before moving on to the next hotel. This is precisely how Alexander Armstrong is traversing India in his new Channel 5 series, offering a whirlwind tour that barely scratches the surface of the country's rich cultural tapestry.
A Frenetic Pace Across the Subcontinent
Armstrong's itinerary is nothing short of breakneck, covering Mumbai and Delhi within a mere hour before rushing to the historic Raj city of Jaipur. From there, he hurtles down to the southern end of the subcontinent to search for tigers in Karnataka. It feels as though his producers purchased an all-inclusive entrance ticket to every tourist attraction in India and allotted him just a weekend to experience them all. This frantic schedule leads to absurdities, such as ending up at a business park in Rajasthan after speeding down an interstate megaroad, where dining options are limited to global fast-food chains like McDonald's, KFC, and Subway.
Superficial Encounters and Missed Opportunities
For a self-proclaimed foodie like Armstrong, settling for a sandwich amidst these fast-food outlets represents a form of misery, a punishment for failing to slow down and savour local flavours. This haste extends beyond culinary disappointments, as the series suffers from a lack of depth, never lingering long enough to truly engage with India's complexities. In Jaipur, where thousands of macaques roam the city, burgling homes and guzzling milk from kitchen fridges, Armstrong briefly encounters Vijay, a man who bicycles the streets treating the monkeys to ice cream and mangoes.
The monkeys recognise Vijay's Tarzan-style yodel and come running, but Armstrong's interaction is fleeting—a two-minute chat that merely establishes Vijay's devotion to the monkey god Hanuman and includes a quick attempt at imitating the ululating call. With that, the segment concludes, and Armstrong dashes off to meet a flamboyant entrepreneur whose leather goods factory specialises in masks, whips, and handcuffs. While the aptly named boss, Randier, explains Indians' keen interest in sex, workers sit silently on the floor, cutting and sewing industriously, their stories left untold.
Unanswered Questions and Lost Potential
There is the foundation of an excellent travel show here, but it is hampered by Armstrong's reluctance to ask probing questions. Where does Vijay reside, and if he has a family, what do they think of him spending a fortune on vanilla soft scoop for thieving macaques? Does the money come from eccentric wealth or begging? Similarly, what about the leather workers—where do they live, how much are they paid, and how do they feel about using traditional skills to craft sex toys for bondage enthusiasts? These inquiries go unaddressed, leaving viewers with a superficial glimpse rather than meaningful insight.
Part of the issue lies in Armstrong's apparent boredom, which disrupts even the most promising moments. During a tiger safari in a national park, as the vehicle bumped down a dirt track, he began mimicking bird cries, much to the horror of his guide, who knew such noise would scare away any wildlife. This behaviour underscores a broader problem: the series prioritises speed over substance, reducing India's vast diversity to a checklist of attractions.
While it could be worse—imagine being trapped beside him on a lengthy coach trip—the overall experience feels rushed and unsatisfying. By failing to delve deeper, Armstrong's journey misses the chance to uncover the authentic stories that make India so captivating, leaving audiences with a fleeting impression rather than a lasting connection.
