Eleanor Gordon-Smith, an advice columnist, addresses a reader's crippling fear of being judged, which stems from a childhood where mockery was common. The reader reports that this fear hinders their social and romantic life, leaving them isolated outside of work, where they feel confident and competent.
Gordon-Smith suggests that while it can be helpful to remind oneself that others are often too self-absorbed to judge, a more effective approach may be to accept that judgment might occur. She challenges the reader to question whether others' opinions should hold more weight than their own self-assessment, noting that those who mock are 'just some guy' whose views are not inherently superior.
She introduces a key insight: 'The punishments would be easier to endure than the things we do to avoid them.' This highlights the high cost of avoiding judgment—sacrificing a full life for safety from mockery. Gordon-Smith emphasises that fear creates protective habits that conflict with one's true values, and that therapy can help realign actions with those values.
Drawing on the reader's success at work, where fear is absent, she recommends exploring why that environment feels freeing and applying those lessons to personal life. She concludes by encouraging the reader to value their own judgments as much as others', noting that seeking professional help for emotional suffering is as sensible as for physical symptoms.
