Sleeping With Your Partner: A Signal for Safety and Better Rest
Sleeping in the same bed as your partner can become a powerful signal for safety and sleep, according to Dr Wendy Troxel, a sleep expert and clinical psychologist. This phenomenon highlights why many individuals find it challenging to fall asleep without their significant other nearby.
The Science Behind Partnered Sleep
Dr Hrayr Attarian, a neurology physician and director of Northwestern Medicine's Sleep Health Centers, explains that people sleep better when they have specific rituals. Humans, like other animals, learn to associate certain stimuli with behaviors—in this case, associating a partner's presence with sleep. This creates a "conditioned response" that facilitates rest.
Dr Joseph Dzierzewski, senior vice-president of research and scientific affairs at the National Sleep Foundation, adds that partners help maintain bedtime routines and unwind at night. Activities such as reading together, putting away phones, or shared hygiene routines serve as strong cues for the body to prepare for sleep.
Benefits of Sharing a Bed
A 2022 study found that sleeping with a partner is linked to better overall sleep quality and mental health benefits, including reduced depression, anxiety, and stress. Dr Troxel notes that cuddling at night stimulates oxytocin release, often called the "love hormone," which has anxiety-relieving properties and induces a calming response.
Dzierzewski emphasizes that the routine of sleeping with a partner reinforces relationship identity and provides emotional intimacy. Without these elements, sleeping alone can feel difficult due to the absence of safety cues and closeness.
Developing Healthy Sleep Dynamics
Not all couples sleep better together; factors like misaligned schedules, snoring, or opposing work hours can pose challenges. Dr Seema Khosla, medical director of the North Dakota Center for Sleep, stresses that communication is key. Couples should discuss sleep needs with a give-and-take approach, recognizing mutual desires for restful nights.
For those with babies or young children, Khosla suggests planning nighttime duties or temporary separate sleeping arrangements. Dzierzewski encourages flexibility, using terms like "bedtime break" instead of "sleep divorce," and recommends compromises such as separate blankets or adjusted room temperatures.
Coping When Sleeping Alone
Life circumstances like long-distance relationships, travel, or breakups may require sleeping apart. Dr Troxel advises against negative self-judgment and instead recommends appreciating the safety derived from closeness. To sleep better solo, she suggests using a proxy like a partner's T-shirt, while Khosla recommends a body pillow.
Dzierzewski adds that maintaining bedtime routines, such as reading or watching shows alone, can still cue the body for sleep. Experts generally recommend six to eight hours of sleep per night and sustainable routines, whether with a partner or alone.
