Trans Man's Emotional Journey to Parenthood with Two Gay Partners Revealed
A trans man has openly shared the deeply emotional journey of becoming pregnant and raising a baby with his two gay partners. In a new BBC Storyville documentary, Kris, who had his ovaries removed in a surgery he later described as a 'castration', documented his parenting journey with David and Sindre. All three are in their 30s and reside in Norway.
The Path to Pregnancy
Kris had spent years believing he would be unable to have children after his surgery. However, a decade later, doctors discovered his uterus was still healthy. The trio then invested thousands in egg donation and IVF to successfully implant an embryo. 'I've wanted to become a father since I was in nursery,' Kris said. 'I'm just a person who wants a baby like anyone else - and I happen to have a uterus that I can use. So I'm very fortunate to have the opportunity.'
Traumatic Surgery and Legal Battles
Kris admitted the pregnancy was an emotional ordeal, largely due to his 'traumatic' experience with gender-affirming surgery, which was necessary to be legally recognized as male in Norway. 'It was traumatic because I had to fight it at every stage,' he explained. 'But I had to go through with it to get that damn national ID number.' He didn't want to remove his ovaries and uterus, but at the time, it was mandatory for obtaining the correct ID and chest reconstruction.
Before the surgery, Kris cried and told nurses, 'I don't want to.' He later filed a personal injury claim, stating he was 'castrated against his will' and lost the ability to have a baby. The Norwegian System of Patient Injury Compensation, however, determined the hospital acted correctly, calling it 'good practice'.
Financial and Emotional Costs
The financial burden has been significant. Kris noted that IVF treatments and medicines have already cost over 200,000 kroner (£15,500), with another 150,000 to 200,000 kroner needed for a second child. They had to go abroad for treatment since Kris, legally male in Norway, doesn't qualify locally. 'I lost power over my own body,' he added, highlighting the emotional toll.
Pregnancy and Family Dynamics
Through the documentary, Kris showed the effects of estrogen and gestagen on his body. While he experienced pain at times, David and Sindre noted he doesn't complain. 'He handles it well,' they said. 'We actually have to nag him from doing too much.' Despite fears that pregnancy might make him feel 'more female', Kris said it only reinforced his identity as a man, though he disliked developing breasts.
Kris gave birth to their baby daughter in 2023. Shortly after, he attempted another round of IVF but lost the embryo, grieving during his first child's Christening. By the end of the programme, he celebrated being pregnant again.
Building a Unique Family
The throuple met at a 'pre-party' and decided to give their relationship a chance. 'It's a perfect combination,' said David, a professor. They plan to be honest with their child about their origins, including using a donor from Finland where donors are identifiable at age 18.
'I believe in a future where Kris can be a father, not a mother,' they shared. 'And that he will get an apology from the government for everything we had to suffer through.' Kris expressed fears about their child feeling different, but hopes she won't be ashamed he gave birth to her.
Now, the parents aim to be the best fathers possible, embracing their unique family structure as a strength.
