Stepping into Vulnerability: A First-Timer's Experience on a Men's Walk
I found myself standing near the statue of Achilles in Hyde Park, scanning the faces of a few men nearby. Unsure if they were fellow participants in the men's walk I had come to join or simply tourists admiring the monument, I hesitated to ask. In a moment of irony, I defaulted to the very silence I was meant to avoid, a typical male response that felt all too familiar.
The Genesis of Shoulder to Shoulder
This walk is organised by Shoulder to Shoulder, a community dedicated to bringing men together to build friendships, learn, and grow. Founded last year by Tom Stroud, who gained some fame from his appearance on Love Is Blind UK, the group began with a Reddit post encouraging men to meet like-minded individuals. Stroud described it as the antithesis of the red pill manosphere content prevalent online. The post garnered over a million views, and now the group convenes bi-weekly on Sunday mornings, attracting around 80 men each session.
The community's core values—ambition, growth, community, authenticity, and respect—resonated deeply with me, aligning with how I strive to live my life. However, the idea of dozens of men marching shoulder to shoulder through the park initially struck me as reminiscent of Boy Scouts, a notion that made me somewhat reluctant. It was only at my partner's urging that I set aside my usual Sunday errands to attend.
Breaking the Ice and Building Bonds
Upon arrival, co-founder Dan Shrigley greeted newcomers with a warm smile and a Shoulder to Shoulder T-shirt, advising us to arrive half an hour early to mingle. We were encouraged to form small groups and share introductions: who we were, why we were there, and anything that had disturbed us that week. These ice-breakers proved effective; when I admitted my girlfriend had sent me because she thought I tended to isolate myself, laughter ensued, and others shared similar stories, instantly making me feel less alone.
As the walk commenced, conversations flowed naturally, bypassing superficial small talk. One man opened up about a recent break-up, setting the tone for discussions on relationships and personal challenges. With approximately 50 men present, ranging from their twenties to forties, the atmosphere was initially overwhelming for an extroverted introvert like myself. However, splitting into groups of eight or nine alleviated this, allowing for more intimate interactions.
Authentic Conversations and Shared Experiences
To my surprise, I quickly bonded with Alex, a 47-year-old amateur basketball player, after mentioning my nostalgia for the camaraderie of semi-professional basketball in my youth. We delved into topics from sports and work to wellbeing and relationships, exploring deeper issues like navigating value conflicts and critiquing media portrayals of toxic masculinity. Both of us expressed fatigue with male bravado, particularly in politics, and a shared longing for authenticity.
The surrounding conversations echoed similar themes, fostering a supportive, non-alpha male environment where men openly shared life experiences and offered career advice. Many participants, like me, missed the brotherhood of team sports, while others recounted how competitive sports had become toxic for them, prioritising individual success over support. The walk provided a stark contrast, creating a space where men could lean on each other through common struggles, whether related to relationships, work, or mid-life crises.
The Challenge of Maintaining Friendships
While I am comfortable being vulnerable with friends, maintaining those connections has grown difficult in my forties. Most of my childhood friends remain in Bratislava, and in London, where I've lived for nearly two decades, friends often relocate or become too busy with their own lives. Tom, a 40-year-old co-founder, explained that this exact issue inspired Shoulder to Shoulder. He noted growing apart from old friends and lacking depth in male friendships, prompting him to create an environment for authentic connections without the stigma of asking for another man's number.
Unexpectedly, I connected more deeply with the men on this walk than with colleagues I've known for years. The emphasis on authenticity accelerated bonding, revealing that with a bit of courage, meaningful connections are possible even upon first meetings.
Beyond the Walk: Expanding Community Activities
Shoulder to Shoulder also hosts smaller walks on Hampstead Heath and movie nights, along with a forum where men can request companions for activities like tennis or film-watching. I plan to utilise these resources, especially for finding a tennis partner. The men-only nature of the group eliminates any dating undertones, simplifying interactions and tapping into tribal instincts for same-sex connection, which can be hard to fulfil amid busy lives and long-term relationships.
As someone who values solitude, I don't always feel compelled to socialise, but the walk offered a unique balance—allowing for silence and companionship simultaneously. Though engrossed in conversations left no time for solitude, I departed feeling uplifted, reminded that blending solitude with social activities like pub chats or movie nights can enrich life. I intend to join more walks, partly to reconnect with Alex, as awkwardness prevented us from exchanging numbers. Our shared passion for films gives me hope for future movie nights, ensuring our paths cross again.
