As the summer holiday fast approaches, stressed-out couples may already be hoping for a chance to spend some time together, reconnect and even mend their marriage. However, divorce coach Jennie Sutton warns that for many struggling relationships, the end may be nigh. Summer can amplify the truth about a relationship, and that cocktail of high expectation, change in routine and uninterrupted time together can quickly become a pressure cooker that won't save a marriage—it can end it.
The Autumn Surge in Divorce Queries
Jennie Sutton, founder of Untying the Knot, where she helps women navigate the overwhelming process of leaving a partner and reaching financial and childcare agreements, notes a spike in enquiries every September, once everyone returns to their usual daily routine. Family lawyers have dubbed September the “autumn surge” as it is traditionally one of the busiest months for divorce queries, after couples delay filing their divorce petition in the hope that a family break will save their marriage.
While holidays do not destroy marriages, they reveal the truth: busy schedules and daily distractions have masked emotional disconnection for months, even years. When two people are together for a fortnight with intense heat, liberal amounts of alcohol, tired children, and unforeseen expenses on the credit card, the cracks become impossible to ignore.
Steps to Holiday-Proof Your Relationship
The Perfect Holiday Is in Your Head
Summer holidays are loaded with expectation. It is the one time of year you are guaranteed a complete getaway. It is easy to hope that a new spontaneous environment will fix the distance, reignite intimacy, improve family life, or help you get back to how things used to be. Sadly, holidays do not create connection where there is none; they often magnify what is missing.
What to do: Remember that a holiday is simply a change of location with the same personal dynamics, but with added sunburn and sunsets. Once you are back home, the work starts now. Do you both want to reconnect? Are you willing to have honest conversations rather than blame each other for the tension or behaviours on holiday?
Being Together Reveals How Far Apart You Really Are
During everyday life, couples often operate like colleagues running the business of work, parenting, tasks, meals, and kids' clubs. With packed timetables, husbands and wives rarely spend long periods of uninterrupted quality time together. However, summer removes that structure, forcing you to share a room (perhaps with children too), parent side-by-side, and spend hours together without the usual escape routes of work and school pick-up. For couples already emotionally disconnected, this closeness can feel deeply uncomfortable, leading to irritation and arguments over small things, while moments of silence can feel deafening.
What to do: When you return home, are you both open to having United Nations check-ins? Take 10 minutes a day to check in with each other: what was great about the day, what could be better (conversation, connection, commitment). Listen and appreciate rather than argue to defend.
Alcohol Pours Fuel on the Emotional Fire
Summer holidays often bring increased drinking, later nights, and lower emotional filters. While chilled lagers, refreshing sangria, and cocktails by the pool may seem like holiday fun, they could be doing real damage to your relationship. Alcohol can intensify existing tensions, increase conflict, and create arguments over nothing. Sutton also sees alcohol becoming a coping mechanism during unhappy holidays—clients say they drink to numb or dial down feelings of loneliness. Often one partner withdraws into drinking to tolerate the atmosphere while the other becomes increasingly resentful.
What to do: Swap booze for zero-alcohol options. Cruel comments, the silent treatment, or coldness can leave a lasting emotional impact long after the bags have been unpacked at home.
You're Shocked by How Different Your Parenting Styles Are
Being away on holiday can expose completely different parenting styles: one parent may want relaxed freedom while the other wants structure and routine. That also means one carries the mental load while the other switches on “fun parent” mode. Many women say the holiday confirmed what they already suspected—that they were effectively parenting alone inside the marriage. If you are feeling exhausted, you will soon feel resentful too, particularly if you are in midlife and already emotionally depleted. The holiday becomes less about family memories and more about realising how unsupported and unappreciated you truly feel.
What to do: Before you head off, have conversations about parenting, finances, and ‘switch off’ time as a couple and individuals. This helps set boundaries, know the parameters, and agree upfront if you both need 60 minutes a day for your own “me time” while on holiday.
Without Daily Routine, Everything Falls Apart
Routine can act like relationship glue because you both know where you are and what is expected. Without the normal structure, couples face the emotional reality of the relationship itself—that the only thing connecting them is the children and the practicalities of being parents and partners. That can feel incredibly confronting, and many people realise on holiday that they no longer enjoy each other's company, do not share the same values, and have been living parallel lives for years.
What to do: For some, this is the moment the “maybe years”—the time spent trying to decide whether to stay in the marriage or walk away—come to an end.
Financial Pressure Triggers Spending Rows
Holidays are expensive, and financial stress can expose existing power imbalances in earning capacity within relationships. You may find yourselves arguing about spending, control, and debt, while who pays for what can surface more intensely during summer. Sutton also sees holidays highlighting emotional inequality: one partner may carefully plan the trip while the other simply turns up expecting everything done, on time, and ready to relax.
What to do: Discuss your roles in holiday planning before you go—who is doing what? What are your expectations? Agree on a budget or spending plan during your time away; for instance, will you use one card and one account so all spending is visible to both of you?
It Feels Like You're on Holiday with a Stranger
Many clients ask afterwards, “Was it just a bad holiday or is the marriage actually over?” Sutton advises them to look back and see if the signs were already there: emotional indifference after arguments, avoiding time alone, lack of affection or curiosity, excessive time on mobiles or separate activities, and feeling relief when apart during the holiday. You may even see your partner “performing” the perfect family life for your children while being privately detached from you and your relationship.
What to do: The biggest indication that your other half has checked out is an absence of emotional connection, listening, and compassion. If separation does feel inevitable following your summer holiday, it could be time to think about how to separate with dignity rather than destruction.
For more information, visit untyingtheknot.me.
