Agony aunt Jane O'Gorman offers straight-talking advice to Daily Star readers grappling with jealousy, family disapproval, and toxic relationship patterns.
Fear of losing girlfriend to charismatic boss
A reader, identified as Boss Hog, writes: "I'm terrified that new boss is about to swoop in and steal my girl from under my nose. He met her for the first time at a recent fund-raiser, and I know that he's infatuated. The problem is that he's a lot older than I am. He's flush, popular and self-assured and has the gift of the gab. I don't feel as though I can compete. What should I do next?"
Jane responds: "Take the initiative and tell your girlfriend that you need her to level with you because you're worried. Is she interested in your boss? If she is, then what does that mean for you? Ultimately, you can't allow yourself to be intimidated, used or walked over by anyone. If this job isn't feeling right, then protect yourself by moving on."
Parental disapproval of partner
Another reader, Time to choose, shares: "My Mum and Dad don't want me to marry my partner. They don't like the fact that he's got a shady past and is divorced. They can't abide his children (13 and 14) and are refusing to attend or contribute to the October wedding I have planned with him. He says that we don't need them and that I should be prepared to leave my past behind. But this is my Mum and Dad we're talking about. I can't stand this friction. Why can't everyone get along?"
Jane advises: "Has this intervention by your parents made you cling onto your man and defend him a little more? Please keep an open mind and don't do anything rash. Step back and, at least, consider what your parents are saying. Is he right for you? Is he going to make you happy, safe and proud? Are you comfortable mothering his children? If the answers are 'no' then don't allow your pride to get in the way of making the right decision. Never forget that your parents love you. This must never be about choosing him over them. I don't like the idea of him suggesting you leave them behind. If your October wedding is coming around just a bit too soon, then don't hesitate in putting it off until you're clear in your own mind."
Relationship stuck in a cycle of arguments and sex
A reader, Stubborn as mules, says: "My relationship is very up and down. Sometimes I think that it's only sex that keeps us together. We are both very stubborn. We can't seem to go a full month without falling out over something stupid. Sometimes it seems as if she deliberately upsets me just to get a rise. Naturally, I toss back insults, to defend myself, and another bust up ensues. After a certain period, I start to feel guilty and want her again. But is that only for the regular sex? We're both in our late thirties."
Jane responds: "You and your on/off girlfriend are grown ups. This unhealthy relationship sounds exhausting and rather immature. You're not temperamental teenagers. If you can't conduct a sensible relationship at this stage of your lives; if you can't function without bickering and hurling insults, then maybe you must accept that you're just not suited. I imagine that sex would be much more satisfying in a new, mutually respectful relationship. Why not finally lay this one to rest and find someone who doesn't frustrate you by playing mind games? Either that or come to the table and finally decide to stop scoring points and winding each other up. Surely life is too short for this level of silliness?"
Readers can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
