While her husband snores peacefully beside her, Mariella Frostrup, like countless women, finds herself wide awake at 3am, her mind racing. The experience is all too common, with a survey revealing that 52% of women aged 35-44 report sleep troubles, rising to 65% among those aged 55-64. For many, insomnia is a lesser-known but pervasive symptom of menopause, affecting up to 85% of women in mid-menopause.
Frostrup describes the relentless cycle: checking the clock, rising heart rate, and a brain that scans for worries both trivial and profound. From forgotten thank-you notes to guilt over not calling a friend with cancer, the thoughts are often banal yet consuming. The situation is exacerbated by partners who snore—24-50% of men do, according to the British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association—leaving women even more frustrated.
Dr Elle Boag, associate professor in social psychology at Birmingham City University, points to a deeper cause: inequality. Despite decades of progress, women still shoulder the bulk of domestic and emotional labour. 'It's great that men and women are equals in the workplace, but what this means in reality is that women are effectively taking on twice the load,' she says.
A new book, Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis by Ada Calhoun, explores this phenomenon. It argues that the modern woman's life—juggling career, family, and home—creates a perfect storm for insomnia. The book offers insight rather than a cure, highlighting that every advancement has come with the added burden of maintaining hearth and home.
For women like Frostrup, the nightly struggle is a stark reminder of an unequal burden. As she lies awake, counting breaths and resisting the urge to medicate, she knows she is not alone. The question remains: what can be done to give women the rest they deserve?
