Paediatric Doctor's Three Universal Parenting Rules for Toddlers to Teens
A paediatric emergency doctor, known online as Dr Beachgem, has shared three parenting rules she and her husband have consistently applied while raising their four children, from toddlers to teenagers. The doctor, who posts on TikTok under the username @beachgem10, recently went viral after detailing these communication-focused strategies, which she credits for making her parenting journey "smoother".
The Three Rules for Parents
In a TikTok video that garnered significant attention, Dr Beachgem explained that these rules are designed for parents themselves, rather than for the children, and revolve around how adults speak and interact with their kids. She emphasised that these guidelines have proven effective across different developmental stages.
Rule One: No Questions
The first rule advises parents to avoid phrasing directives as questions unless they are genuinely offering a choice. Dr Beachgem highlighted common examples like "Do you want to put your shoes on?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth?" She pointed out that if the action is non-negotiable, posing it as a question can create confusion and undermine authority.
"If it's not a question, don't pose it as a question," she stated. "If you were going to force them anyway, even if they say no, then you're kind of the jerk. We do this naturally to be polite, but it's not polite. It kind of creates confusion." She clarified that giving children limited options, such as "do you want to brush your teeth first or put your pyjamas on first," is acceptable and does not violate this rule.
Rule Two: Keep Explanations Short and Sweet
The second rule focuses on providing concise explanations to children. Dr Beachgem noted that while it is beneficial to explain the reasons behind decisions, parents should keep these explanations brief due to children's limited attention spans.
"It is great to give kids an explanation why or why not, but short and sweet," she advised. "They don't have much of an attention span, and honestly, neither do you." This approach helps maintain clarity and prevents overwhelming children with lengthy justifications.
Rule Three: No Emotions During Discipline
The third rule emphasises emotional regulation when addressing disciplinary matters. Dr Beachgem stressed the importance of parents calming themselves before approaching a child to discuss behaviour issues.
"This does not mean in life," she explained. "It means when you are approaching a child with discipline, you want to make sure that you have emotionally regulated yourself before you approach the child. Emotional regulation is so important, but it's not something that you're born with. It's something that you have to learn and then practise."
She added that this practice allows parents to lead by example, as children often mimic adult responses to conflict. "Kids will respond to conflict the way they've seen adults in their life respond to conflict, so if you're popping off and upset, your kid's gonna pop off and get upset when something comes up," she said.
Parental Reactions and Additional Insights
The video sparked widespread discussion among viewers, with many expressing gratitude for the "wise words." One commenter remarked, "How lucky are we to have you as our TikTok pediatrician," while another shared how the no-questions rule has been particularly helpful with their toddler.
Another parent elaborated on their own experiences, stating, "Emotional regulation is huge - being a single parent suddenly, made it difficult. I ended up putting myself in time out so I could deal with them. My biggest rule is don’t threaten if you aren’t going to do the follow through." They emphasised the importance of consistency in enforcing consequences, noting that it builds trust and reduces behavioural issues.
Dr Beachgem concluded by acknowledging that no parent is perfect, but these three rules have significantly eased her family's dynamics. "We are far from perfect as parents, but these are three things that have made our parenting journey a little bit smoother," she reflected.
